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Refresh Community for Spouses An online community for gospel encouragement and refreshment for ministry spouses Join us monthly for encouragement from God's word followed by time spent in small groups sharing and praying together. There are many unique joys and challenges that come with being married to someone in a formal ministry role. In this community we want to provide you with space to be encouraged, refreshed and supported by others who can understand your experiences and encourage you in your walk with the Lord. Meetings are hosted on Zoom and last one hour, including: Inspiring bible-grounded content about soul care from an experienced leader; Breakout groups facilitated by seasoned leaders to connect, discuss and pray together; Upcoming Dates: 24th February 2025 17th March 2025 28th April 2025 19th May 2025 16th June 2025 Please read our Refresh Network Online Guidelines to find out more about the Network, and what is to be expected. Express and interest in our Refresh groups for spouses Express an interest Once your registration is approved, you will receive emails in advance of each gathering with the Zoom link. You can unsubscribe from these emails at any time. *Refresh Community for Spouses is primarily for ministry spouses based in the UK and Ireland. Inclusion of people based elsewhere in the world is by personal invitation from a Living Leadership staff member or associate only. Related links Women in Ministry Groups Pastoral Refreshment Conferences Refreshment Days Refresh Network Online Refresh One-to-Ones

Encouraging leaders & leaders' spouses to live joyfully in Christ and serve him faithfully Find out how we can support and encourage you today OUR MINISTRIES FAQ How we can serve you... Tell us a bit more about who you are and what you are looking for and the slider will filter our ministries to show you how we may be able to help you: I am a... Church Leader Church Member Lay Leader Organisation Leader Spouse Woman in Ministry Living in... Select your region or country Looking for... Resources Support Training Leadership Toolkits Pastoral Refreshment Conference: Central Pastoral Refreshment Conference: Lakes Formation Residential Conferences Groups for Women in Ministry Refreshment Days Blog Formation Courses Formation School Leadership Commitments Scheme Living Leadership Podcast Nigel Lee Archive Podcast Pastoral Care Foundations Course Refresh Community for Spouses Refresh Network Online Refresh One-to-One (Online) Refresh-One-to-One (In person) Articles Book Reviews Books Formation Seminars Gospel Shaped Pastoral Care Course Mental Health First Aid Course Ministry Masterclasses Refreshment Groups Not sure what we can do to help? View all our ministries Contact us Latest news, blogs, & resources We Believe in Jesus Rethinking Resolutions Hope at Christmas Listen to our latest podcast episodes Listen online Now booking... Pastoral Refreshment Conferences Formation Residential Conferences Refreshment Days Women in Ministry Groups Refresh Community for Spouses Pastoral Care Foundations Course Refresh Network Online See all our events currently booking Pastoral Refreshment Conferences Formation Residential Conferences Refreshment Days Women in Ministry Groups Refresh Community for Spouses Pastoral Care Foundations Course Refresh Network Online See all our events currently booking Pastoral Refreshment Conferences Formation Residential Conferences Refreshment Days Women in Ministry Groups Refresh Community for Spouses Pastoral Care Foundations Course Refresh Network Online See all our events currently booking Pastoral Refreshment Conferences Formation Residential Conferences Refreshment Days Women in Ministry Groups Refresh Community for Spouses Pastoral Care Foundations Course Refresh Network Online See all our events currently booking Conferences & events now booking View all our current ministries

Addiction: Facing Reality on God's Terms Back to all Articles Addiction: Facing Reality on God's Terms In this article, David Partington continues his thinking about supporting people with life-controlling issues, such as addiction. It unpacks the steps forward people can make towards freedom. Download Related articles Addiction: Part 1 Addiction: Part 2

Allow me to begin with a poem by John Keats. To Autumn Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness, Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun; Conspiring with him how to load and bless With fruit the vines that round the thatch-eves run; To bend with apples the moss’d cottage-trees, And fill all fruit with ripeness to the core; To swell the gourd, and plump the hazel shells With a sweet kernel; to set budding more, And still more, later flowers for the bees, Until they think warm days will never cease, For summer has o’er-brimm’d their clammy cells. John Keats 1795 - 1821 The seasons have worked through the cycle again, and winter is here. As the ‘Horizontal Gardener’ (see a previous post on this), I have been reflecting on the lessons to be learned from our experience of the seasons. JOSEPH – THE ORIGINAL ORGANIC PRODUCE Let’s start with Joseph in the book of Genesis. Joseph is a fruitful bough, even a fruitful bough by a well; whose branches run over the wall. Gen 49.22 (AKJV) Sounds good, doesn’t it? Who doesn't want to be described as fruitful? It sounds fantastic. You're one big, thriving mango tree! But what does it really mean? And how does it connect with that other famous fruit passage in Galatians 5:22-23, where the apostle Paul serves up a spiritual fruit salad? In Genesis 49.22, Joseph gets this glowing endorsement of fruitfulness, complete with imagery of a branch growing over the wall. He’s so full of life and purpose that his blessings can’t be contained. His vine isn’t just lying peaceably in the shady corner of the garden, it’s climbing the wall, waving at the neighbours, and tempting incipient climbers on the other side. But we know that Joseph’s life wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. He was thrown into a pit by his brothers, sold into slavery, falsely accused, and jailed. Yet, through all of this, he remained faithful to God, and his 'well' of living water kept him growing. That’s the secret to fruitfulness. It’s not about perfect circumstances. It’s about being rooted in the right source. ENTER THE APOSTLE PAUL AND THE FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT Fast-forward to Galatians 5:22-23, where Paul gives us a list of what real fruitfulness looks like: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control . You’ll notice that Paul doesn’t mention busyness, wealth, or social media followers. God’s definition of fruitfulness isn’t the same as ours. Joseph’s life was a living example of these Spirit-fruits. When his brothers showed up needing food, did he unleash a vine of vengeance? Nope. Instead, he responded with love, kindness, and forgiveness . Even in Potiphar’s house and prison, Joseph demonstrated faithfulness and self-control . Clearly, he was walking around like a one-man fruit basket! THE WALL, THE WELL, AND THE WHOLESOME FRUIT Joseph’s branches didn’t just stay on his side of the wall. They 'ran over’. That’s what happens when you’re connected to God as your well. You don’t just have enough for yourself. Your fruit spills over to bless others. This is where the fruit of the Spirit comes in. When we’re living by the Spirit, our love isn’t limited to the people we like, our patience isn’t reserved for when traffic is light, and our self-control doesn’t take weekends off. These fruits grow so abundantly, they naturally overflow into our relationships, our churches, and even the awkward work meetings where everyone’s pretending to like the coffee. WHAT ABOUT US? Let’s face it, we’re all works in progress. Some days, our fruit of the Spirit feels more like a sad raisin. But the good news is, God’s not asking us to grow these fruits by sheer effort. Just like Joseph’s bough that was planted by a well, our job is to stay connected to Jesus, the source of living water. So, what’s the application? Be like Joseph. Stay rooted. Let the fruit grow. And don’t worry if your branches get a little unruly and spill over the wall. After all, the world could use a lot more love, joy, and patience—and maybe a little less overripe bitterness. Whether you see yourself as a fruitful bough, a sapling, or just a slightly confused houseplant, there’s room to grow. And with God as your gardener, you can trust that your fruitfulness will not only bless you but also everyone around you. So go ahead. Let those branches climb the wall and make the world a sweeter place.

We believe . . . in one Lord Jesus Christ, the only Son of God. Nicene Creed I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord. Apostles’ Creed As a teenager, I wore a fish badge on my school blazer. It was an indicator of identity, a label of loyalty. Inside the outline of the fish, my badge bore the Greek word ΙΧΘΥΣ (ichthus), meaning ‘fish’. It’s an acronym for a phrase translated as, ‘Jesus Christ God’s Son Saviour’ (i) . This five-word statement of faith draws almost directly from the creeds, with one modification. Where ΙΧΘΥΣ has ‘Saviour’, the creeds lead with the statement that Jesus is our Lord. There’s no contradiction between the titles ‘Saviour’ and ‘Lord’. Indeed, they must not be separated. Salvation is assured to those who believe and declare that ‘Jesus is Lord’ (Rom 10.9). The confession that Jesus is Lord is evidence of the Holy Spirit’s saving work (1 Cor 12.3). To become a Christian is to receive Christ Jesus as Lord; to continue as a Christian is to live consistently with this truth (Col 2.6). Jesus Christ is the Lord who saves and the Saviour who is sovereign. When we confess Christ as Lord and live accordingly, we bring our lives into line with reality. It’s worth remembering that the other titles for Jesus in the creeds are not there because we acknowledge him as such, but because his Father appointed him to these positions. For example, Jesus is the ‘Christ’, God’s anointed Messiah. He alone is qualified for this honour because he is ‘the only Son of the Father’. He is ‘of the same essence’ (Nicene Creed) and eternally co-existent with the Father. The title ‘Lord’, which the Old Testament ascribes to God, is also his by nature. The confession ‘Jesus is Lord’ also acknowledges Jesus’ supreme authority. The title ‘Lord’ was claimed by Caesar in the Roman world, but Jesus is ‘Lord of Lords and King of Kings’ (Rev 17.14). He is enthroned ‘far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is invoked’ and ‘head over all things for the church’ (Eph 1.21-22). When we confess that Jesus is Lord, what difference does that make to us as leaders? I suggest three principles. We lead as followers of Christ. We lead by proclaiming Christ. We lead as people accountable to Christ. Christian leadership is from the Lord, through the Lord, and to the Lord . It begins with, proceeds with, and ends with him. WE LEAD AS FOLLOWERS OF CHRIST The Lord of the Church has given people to the Church who will lead in the Church. Christian leaders are called to set an example to God’s people (2 Thess 3.7; 1 Tim 5.12; Heb 13.7; 1 Peter 5.3). We can only do this by following the apostle Paul’s example which enables us to say, ‘Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ” (1 Cor 11:1). Imitating Christ means learning from him how to live (Matt 11.29) and, above all, how to love (John 13.15). Leadership flows from followership. The minister’s calling is to be an under-shepherd of Christ. That means shepherding people in the same way that the ‘Chief Shepherd’ shepherds us (1 Pet 2.25; 5.1-4). If we don’t receive his care, guidance, and correction, how can we care for, guide, and correct others? As he challenged Peter on the shores of Galilee, Jesus also calls us to follow him and to feed his sheep (John 21.15-19). If we are not following him, what food will we have to give his sheep? We cannot manufacture soul food. Like the disciples distributing the loaves and fish their Master multiplied, we can only receive soul food from its source. We feed others by breaking the Word of life and sharing it with them. Christian leadership starts with following Jesus closely. Christian leaders must be people who know, love, and trust Christ. WE LEAD BY PROCLAIMING CHRIST This second principle flows naturally from the first. If we are following Jesus, then we will desire to help others follow him too. We will resolutely point them beyond ourselves to the Lord. Our responsibility is to help people hear the voice of the Good Shepherd amidst all the other sounds that clamour for their attention so they can follow him (John 10.27). We lead in one direction—straight to the Lord. If we want to lead to the Lord, everything we do as leaders should been founded on the principle that Jesus Christ is Lord. This principle should flow through our preaching and our pastoring. As the apostle Paul wrote, ‘What we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord’ (2 Cor 4.5a). Whether speaking to the congregation or the individual, our aim should be to help people understand the importance of acknowledging Jesus as Lord in every aspect of their lives, and in every circumstance. Our sermons and conversations should give glory to Jesus. Whenever we explain the meaning of the Scriptures—the big story— we should be clear that our own stories within that big story find meaning and purpose in the sovereignty of Christ as Lord. Our focus on Jesus Christ as Lord will also shape our attitude to those we lead. As the apostle Paul wrote, ‘with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake’ (2 Cor 4.5b). The Church has only one Lord, and it isn’t you or me. Lording it over others is the antithesis of Christian leadership (Matt 20.25-28; 1 Pet 5.3). We serve others for Christ’s sake. And we do so for his glory. WE LEAD AS PEOPLE WHO ARE ACCOUNTABLE TO CHRIST Leadership flows from Christ and it must point to Christ because it will answer to Christ. Our leadership as under-shepherds will be assessed by the Chief Shepherd when he returns (1 Pet 5.4). The work of a minister is for a season only. We can assume there won’t be any need for under-shepherds in the fullness of the new creation. So, along with doctors, dentists, lawyers, judges, police officers, and parking attendants, ‘pastor’ belongs on the list of ‘jobs that won’t be in heaven’. We will continue eternally in ‘ministry’ in the broader sense of serving God, but in the narrower sense of ‘ministry of the Word’, that won’t be needed because the minister’s task of bringing people to maturity in Christ will be complete. The responsibility of being a minister of the Word lasts only until the Lord returns for his people. That might sound like good news if you’re weary in the work. I hope it gives you a new sense of hope! There is an ending, and it is glorious. The church you have laboured in will be made as beautiful as a bride—the bride of Christ. The people you have loved will be made perfect in Christ’s likeness. But this truth should also cause us to reflect carefully on how we lead people. The Lord will ask for an account of how we have handled the responsibility he has entrusted to us. We will stand before the judgement seat of Christ (2 Cor 5.10). Leaders are called to ‘keep watch over [God’s people] as those who must give an account’ (Heb 13.17). People will make all sorts of comments on your leadership, both positive and negative. It’s sensible to listen and learn. But there is one comment that supplants all others, and that’s the Lord’s assessment, his judgement. As I wrote in an earlier post , the fact that we will give an account to Christ should cause us to seek accountability from others right now .* Surely it is better to spot our failures before the final day. If we’re failing to see our blind spots, surely it is better to get back on track now. Giving an account does mean that all that was unworthy in our ministry will be exposed and burnt up (1 Cor 3.10-15). But giving an account is also a positive thing. The Lord sees, knows, and values all our work for him, even if no one else does. Our labour in the Lord is not in vain, so don’t give up (1 Cor 15.58). Therefore, creedal leaders . . . ‘We believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God’. Because of these rich truths, let us follow our Lord closely, proclaim him boldly, and serve him faithfully in the knowledge that one day we will give him an account. So, make this your confession today: ‘ I believe in Jesus’. (i) The Greek phrase is Ἰησοῦς Χριστός, Θεοῦ Υἱός, Σωτήρ   ( Iēsous Christos, Theou Huios, Sōtēr ). ΙΧΘΥΣ has served as an identifying symbol for Christians since the second century AD. *Our post from last week, ‘ Rethinking Resolutions ’ also talks about accountability.

Happy New Year! Resolutions, anyone? No? Is that a smirk I just saw? Conventional wisdom on resolutions is that they’re a waste of time. The moment someone talks about their resolutions, we nod sagely, thinking ‘This person is kidding, right? Why bother? They’ll be a heap of vain hopes by February.’ As the saying goes, the road to the bad place is paved with good intentions. And that just about sums up new year’s resolutions. Good intentions destined to fail. Well, today, a different take. NOBLE ASPIRATIONS What is a resolution but a declared intention to improve some aspect of one’s life. We don’t make resolutions about eating more, spending more time in the pub or being more unkind. On the contrary, many resolutions have to do with eating healthily, exercising more, volunteering, reconciling, or giving more. They express a desire to improve, not deteriorate. So the first thing to recognise is that the vast majority of those who make resolutions have good hearts. Or at least good intentions. And they desire to change. Some yearn to change and they truly believe that making a resolution will produce the kind of change they desire. BEWARE CYNICISM We often sneer at these sentiments. Essentially, we do this because we’ve imbibed a cynical attitude towards change. And frankly, that’s ungodly. Of course, we call this realism and we think we’re savvy because, well, we know better. But is that really true? Do we know better? Or like many in this world, have we unconsciously joined many who simply drag others down. You think you can change? No chance, mate! That’s not an attitude to be proud of. Resolutions, whether destined for failure or not, are, for the most part, noble aspirations. And we should encourage such thinking. Especially when the resolutions include such things as more prayer, more commitment, more discipline to serve the Lord. RESOLUTIONS OFTEN FAIL This is the gritty reality, isn’t it? Resolutions do often fail. Hence the widespread cynicism. And if we want to remain positive about resolutions, we must ask ourselves two penetrating questions. Is change possible? If it is, how can resolutions make that change stick? CHANGE IS POSSIBLE If change weren’t possible, we might as well pack up and go home. No more church, no more Bible studies, no more prayers. All our beliefs about sanctification in shreds. Let’s start with this famous verse in Romans. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12.2 Be transformed. Changed. Yes, it’s possible. And then there’s another very well-known verse in Philippians. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus . Phil 1.4-6 This is the classic verse indicating sanctification. We are being changed by our God, who works within us by his Spirit. The apostle Paul puts it this way. And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Cor 3.18 The problem is that many of us continue to live with the spirit of Paul’s words in his letter to the Romans. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do . . . For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing. Rom 7.15,19 If we keep living in Romans 7, and in particular wallow in these verses without contextualising them with the glorious culmination of Romans 8, then we will lose hope. So, yes, change is possible. CAN RESOLUTIONS HELP? Resolutions are simply goals. And goals aren’t general, they’re specific. You may have heard that goals need to be SMART. S pecific M easurable A chievable R elevant T ime-bound RULE OF LIFE This past year, I’ve been meeting with, let’s call him a counsellor, a spiritual guide. He suggested that I write a Rule of Life, following the practice of the Benedictines. A Rule of Life is simply a list of specific goals related to one’s spiritual life—‘spiritual’ in the sense of encompassing one’s whole life, physical and unseen. So I wrote my Rule of Life and was quickly informed that ‘praying more’ or even ‘praying regularly’ was inadequate. Why? Not specific enough. ‘Meeting with my mentees regularly’ was also insufficient. How often? Who? So I re-wrote it. And it was specific and it met with my guide’s approval. It has made a difference. If he’s reading this, he will be encouraged. There is, however, one thing that is deficient in my practice. I need more accountability. A lot more. I should probably take note of Alcoholics Anonymous. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS AA works on the principle of community. Former addicts meet in order to hear each other’s stories and remind themselves that they are not alone. And this helps, but it’s not enough. Most who attend AA meetings also have sponsors, someone to talk to outside the meetings, someone to reach for when life seems overwhelming. A form of accountability. CONFESSION The Church used to have something similar; it was called confession. Yet, due to many factors, including the abuse of this practice in Church history, it fell out of favour. The Scriptures, however, are clear on its merits. If we confess our sins , he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1.9 And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. Jas 5.15-16 James urges his readers to ‘confess your sins to each other’ (though in the context of healing). John doesn’t specify that we should confess to each other. Both, however, view confession as a good thing. Is this accountability? Not exactly, but it could certainly be part of an accountability relationship. One built on love, friendship and a desire for holiness. FRATERNALS What do church leaders often do when considering the question of accountability? Many meet up with other leaders from outside their communities. A fraternal (or women's equivalent). Perhaps you’re part of one. The aim is mutual support, and all those who speak of their experiences with fraternals speak highly of their impact. This is wonderful. Mutual support, friends supporting friends. Fantastic. But they rarely involve accountability. That’s my impression. Accountability requires a level of humility and submission to another that many avoid. It requires us to be vulnerable. Confession does the same thing. We’re opening up about our sins and inadequacies, and in a proper accountability relationship, excuses are viewed as just that. Excuses. So, what about you? Do you want to change? The passage in 1 John talks openly about our tendency to deceive ourselves. Confession and accountability aim to tackle this tendency head on. We cannot change ourselves without the work of God’s Spirit, that goes without saying, but we also need community. We need brothers and sisters with us on this journey, those who will challenge, pray, and love us towards holiness. I wonder if you’ve ever made resolutions. I wonder if you’ve ever been truly accountable to another person? Is this the year to consider this practice? And have you ever written a Rule of Life? Perhaps this is the year to make a resolution to do so. But more important than anything else is our commitment to holiness, to following Jesus with all our hearts and placing him at the centre of all our decisions. Including whether to find true accountability. New Year’s resolutions, anyone? They’re not for everyone, but if you ever make them, ensure you find people to walk alongside you, friends who will support you on your journey towards greater holiness. It’s a journey we can only accomplish together. That’s how the Lord designed it. Be blessed.