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How do you motivate Christians to serve God more? Do you paint a picture of need? We are short of helpers in this programme. If you don’t sign up, we’ll have to close it down. That would be a pity because there are so many people we are trying to reach and help! That may work with some people, but it will leave many feeling flat. The uncommitted will just switch off, while the committed will feel guilty for not doing more. Those struggling with their own challenges will feel burdened and helpless. So perhaps it’s better to ditch the guilt trip for something different. What about a compelling vision? This programme has seen lives transformed and we want to see more of that. If you sign up, God will do great things through your service and you’ll really enjoy it! That might motivate some extra people to step up, but they may well drop out when they discover it’s hard work and the fruit is not as low hanging as you made out. Beating people with the stick of ‘You’re not doing enough’ and dangling the carrot of ‘It’ll all be great fun all the time’ are not the best ways to motivate people. There is a third strategy. It is the approach the apostle Paul takes in 2 Corinthians as he seeks to motivate the believers in Corinth to give towards the needs of the church in Jerusalem. But since you excel in everything—in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in complete earnestness and in the love we have kindled in you—see that you also excel in this grace of giving. 2 Cor 8.7 Now, if your mind is as suspicious as mine, you may imagine a sarcastic tone in Paul’s words. But he was no twenty-first century cynic. He didn’t move in the British and Irish cultural milieu of irony and sarcasm. I think we should take Paul’s words as sincere. He honestly commends the Corinthian Christians for the qualities he lists here. And he does so after their response to his instructions in his previous letter(s). This church had been proud of its faith and knowledge. In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul had to challenge them not to neglect the more significant virtue of love. But now he has evidence of their genuine love for him, not least in their obedience to his teaching (see 2 Cor 7). They have made real progress. Like a good parent or teacher, Paul shows us how to encourage well. He uses encouragement as motivation. He does not say, ‘You could do better’, or ‘So far so good, but what about giving?’. Instead, he says, ‘You’re doing well in so many ways, I know you can do this too!’ He has faith in them, or rather in what God will do in them. Encouragement is powerful. I was reminded of that recently when a brother in Christ asked me to help him get a book on encouragement back in print. It’s by the late Derick Bingham. In a time of personal discouragement, this brother lifted his copy off the shelf and began reading. As his spirit was lifted by Derick’s encouraging insights, he became convinced that others needed to hear them. I was invited to work with him to bring the book to press [i]. As I edited it, I remembered the encouragement Derick gave me as a young man starting out in ministry. His words were gold, but the time he spent listening to me over coffee was like diamonds. Marcus Honeysett, my colleague and the founder of Living Leadership, often quotes a saying he received from the late Nigel Lee: Encourage the good wherever you find it. That principle flows through everything we do here at Living Leadership to support leaders. If you’re a leader reading this, we want to remind you of the good things God has done in your life, and in the lives of others through your ministry. More importantly, we want to encourage you in the unchanging truths of the gospel and the unchanging person of Christ. That is how the apostle Paul encouraged the Corinthians. For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich. 2 Cor 8.9 The greatest encouragement for us is the Lord Jesus. His example of faithfulness encourages us to keep going. His love communicates just how precious we are to him. His self-sacrifice brings us eternal riches. His grace motivates us to be generous and gracious towards others. In my experience, many ministers are chronically under-encouraged. And many congregations are perpetually discouraged. The minister, responding to this discouragement, and running on fumes, tries to spur on the congregation to do more. Unsurprisingly, it’s like flogging the proverbial dead horse! I have commented before in this blog about practical ways to encourage your minister, so I won’t list those here, (though do check out that post). Rather, let me remind you again of how the apostle Paul encourages the Corinthians. For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich. 2 Cor 8.9 Look at Jesus and the magnificent way he gives himself up for us. The one who shared in heaven’s riches by right, entered our world in poverty and obscurity so he could bring us to share in his inheritance. And look at what this inheritance is already achieving in and through you. As you serve him with the gifts he has graciously given you, his blessing extends through you to others. You excel by his grace. Because of this wonderful truth, excel in this ministry of encouragement! If you want your people to give more, remind them of what they’ve been given. Those who become aware of their blessings in Christ will naturally increase in gratitude and this in turn will motivate them to love others more. What difference would it make in our churches if both minister and congregation were encouraged more? No one ever died from being over-encouraged. By contrast, we can find ourselves flagging badly when encouragement is lacking. So, the following is worth considering. FOR CHURCH MEMBERS. Tell your minister what they are doing well. Encourage them by telling them what you’re learning, how you’re growing, and what they are doing to help you grow. FOR LEADERS. Tell your people what you appreciate about them. Let them know when you see spiritual growth in their lives. If possible, be specific. Remind them that they bring pleasure to God, that he loves them, and is constantly with them in their daily lives. Above all, delight them in Jesus, who never disappoints. If the only thing you ever do is talk about Jesus, who he is, what he’s done, what’s he’s still doing, well, from that place of encouragement, they will serve with joy and you will never have to plead for volunteers again. Surely that would be a blessing indeed! i. See www.pesiod.com/books/encouragement

Join me in one of my favourite movies from the eighties. Trading Places (1983). (This post containers plot spoilers.) Two extremely wealthy financiers, Mortimer and Randolph Duke, observe one of their commodities traders, Louis Winthorpe III (played by Dan Ackroyd), mistreating a black street hustler, Billy Ray Valentine, (played by Eddie Murphy). So they make a wager (of a paltry $1) to test their opposing theories of nature versus nurture. They manufacture a switch between the lives of these two men located on either end of the social spectrum. Who will rise? Who will fall? After having Louis falsely accused and fired from his position, they invite Billy Ray Valentine to live in Louis’ old home, surrounded by luxury. Will their genes determine their outcomes? Well, Louis proceeds to descend into despair, while Billy Ray excels at his new position as a commodities trader. Question answered. But this is also a story about injustice and greed. Billy Ray and Louis eventually discover they’ve been duped, and not only that, Mortimer and Randolph plan to reverse the switch. So, our two ‘heroes’ team up. Cue Eddie Murphy and Dan Ackroyd, along with Denholm Elliott and Jamie Lee Curtis, executing a wonderful plan to triumph and walk off with an awful lot of money. Looking good, Billy Ray! Feeling good, Louis! Let’s return to the scene in which Billy Ray is invited to live in Louis’ home. This particular scene is packed with theological insight. And it’s all about grace. I DON’T THINK HE UNDERSTANDS The scene is entitled ‘It’s all yours’, a title we could use to describe grace. Randolph says, ‘William, this is your home. It belongs to you. Everything you see in this room is yours.’ Mortimer, however, can see that Billy Ray is still in the dark. ‘I don’t think he understands, Randolph’, he says. And sure enough, seconds later, while the elderly financiers’ backs are turned, Billy Ray proceeds to place valuable items inside his jacket—a cigar case and a silver ornament. Later, as Mortimer removes the cigar case from Billy Ray’s jacket, he says, ‘These are your personal possessions. You will only be stealing from yourself.’ The scene works, because of course, in our world, no one gives away such wealth for free. Hence Billy Ray’s sceptical riposte, ‘I could really dig this, Randy, you know why? This kind of thing happens to me every week!’ This is the perfect scene to prompt a discussion about grace, because our response to grace is often to ‘steal from ourselves.’ We’re watching Billy Ray, but he is simply a mirror, a reflection of the darkness in our souls. WE DON’T REALLY UNDERSTAND GRACE Like you, probably, I have heard hundreds of Christians talk about or interact with the idea of grace. In my experience, they broadly fit into three categories. [i] They don’t understand it at all, and when questioned, they demonstrate their lack of understanding. They can say the ‘right’ words, but quickly, they stumble and it’s clear that they haven’t really understood it. Legalism, works, workaholism, judgemental attitudes etc betray that their espoused theology isn’t actually driving their lives. They have the right theology, and they revel in the wonder of grace so that it transforms all their human relationships. Why do we struggle so much to understand grace? Some thoughts. OTHERWORLDLY Grace is otherworldly. Well, of course it is. It comes from the heart of a compassionate God. It’s his idea, not ours. Furthermore, it’s hardly surprising that we struggle when we already know that ‘my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways’ (Isa 55.8). Perhaps most importantly, though, is the impact of our human experience. From our earliest childhood, we are introduced into a world of consequences. Cause-and-effect is written into every single one of our human relationships. As children, when we behave well, we receive a cookie, and when we don’t listen, we end up sitting on the naughty step. (Choose your own childhood discipline method.) We reach school and start handing in homework. Perform well and we are praised; perform badly and we’re in trouble. Then we get a job and the whole saga continues. Reward for good work, consequences for poor performance. So when we’re told that God will give us something for nothing, our minds and our hearts can’t really take it in. It’s like the first time a kid hears about trick-or-treating, as described by the comedian, Jerry Seinfeld. Remember the first time you heard about Halloween, your brain can’t even . . . what is this? Who’s giving out candy? EVERYONE WE KNOW IS GIVING OUT CANDY?! I gotta be part of this. Take me with you! I’ll do anything they want . . . (pregnant pause) . . . I can wear that! (Cue laughter) Free candy? Impossible. Because we struggle to believe in free. FREE IS NEVER FREE Ever received one of those letters announcing that you’ve won a FREE prize? It doesn’t take long to ask, ‘what’s the catch?’ Because there’s always a catch. No one just gives stuff away. Not without an ulterior motive. And so it is with our response to grace. We’re looking for the ulterior motive, when the only motive is love. Could it also be the case that we pride ourselves on our faith? Grace may be free, but to receive it, you must have faith. So you see, we do contribute in some way. How clever we are to have figured out the gospel. It’s not such a small step to continue along this road . . . and how clever we are to live better lives than others. Surely God must approve and credit to our account some of our good choices. Law-keeping is so embedded in us, we can’t or we won’t let it go. Little wonder, then, that we can describe what grace is, we can recite the theology, but it’s so counter to our human experience that we struggle to accept it in our hearts. We know it’s true, but for many, it just doesn’t seem real. So we struggle to apply it in our own lives. This is why the parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18 is so instructive . . . and damning. The forgiven servant, the man who has been forgiven an astronomical debt, appears to have no understanding of how this should shape his life. The church is littered with such people, and if I’m honest, I’m sometimes one of them. Make no mistake, I’m as guilty as the next person. Not only do we judge others harshly, but we allow a judgemental attitude to reside deep in our hearts. Well, after behaving like that, they deserve it, don’t they?! We continue to believe that good people should prosper and bad people should suffer. Well, they deserve to suffer, don’t they? We’ve read Job, but we’ve forgotten that God condemns this attitude in Job’s friends. We can’t help believing that if we behave well, God should bless us. And I don’t mean that when we make good choices, good things should naturally come to us. I mean, that God should answer our prayers. We deserve a healthy serving of his grace and favour because of our virtue. Why isn’t he answering me when I’ve been faithful to my calling? As for the parable in Matthew 20, in which vineyard workers who arrive late are paid the same as those who’ve worked all day, well, that continues to sound absurd. Why does the vineyard owner treat the latecomers the same as those who’ve worked all day? That’s unfair. Just as it feels unfair that a repentant sinner aged eighty receives grace after a life of greed and selfishness while ‘good life-long Christians’ receive the same grace. Why do we think and behave in these ways? Why do these errant thoughts and attitudes linger in our hearts when the entire focus of the biblical account is supposed to lead us the jewel at its centre: God’s grace. I don’t think he understands. Perhaps we should start there. Grace is otherworldly. It is a jewel of such shining brilliance that it blinds us with its wonder and beauty. Certainly, the Lord desires that we grasp the idea with our heads, but grace is something we receive in our hearts. It is a gift and we receive it by faith. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. Eph 2.8-9 We must cast ourselves before the Lord, confessing our inability to take in the enormity of his gift, the overwhelming nature of his love, and pour out our thanks. In response, we would do well to bow before his throne with grateful hearts, and worship. And what is the source of this gift? How was it created? How was it achieved? “He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.” 1 Peter 2.24 Dare I say it but this beautiful gift was achieved for us by . . . trading places. A free gift that cost everything. So receive it. For when we live by law, we steal from ourselves. How shameful. We act like Billy Ray. And we do more than demonstrate our lack of understanding, we denigrate the sacrifice of our Lord. So, today I invite you to live in God’s grace. To revel in its wonder. Be thankful for the riches you have in Christ Jesus, and when you reach the point where you just can’t take it in, then bow down in worship before your holy God. Ask him for eyes to see and ears to hear. Then receive by faith. For only by so doing will you be able to extend this beautiful gift to others. For by grace you have been saved. How amazing is that?! [i] - This list is not exhaustive, of course.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". Jeremiah 29.11 You may have heard this verse used to encourage you when things are tough, or you are not sure which direction to go in. But is that Jeremiah’s message? Was this his intention when he wrote these words? We live in a society that focuses on the individual and stresses the importance of our own personal fulfilment. We’re encouraged to look after ourselves and to ‘fulfil our potential’. What does this mean for followers of Jesus? The following might provide a start. We should take responsibility for our well-being and our souls. We should make the best use of the talents and gifts that God has given us. We carry the primary responsibility for ensuring that our needs are met, so that we can fulfil our purpose. Part of that is spending time with God to allow him to feed and nurture us. We should be self-aware, maintain healthy boundaries, and know when we have reached the limits of our capacity. We should take action to protect ourselves and others. We must recognise our total dependency on God for our very breath, admitting our own helplessness aside from bowing the knee and acknowledging Jesus’ total and complete gift of redemption. So how should we read these verses in Jeremiah? The words were spoken by the prophet Jeremiah to the exiles in Babylon. God spoke through him to encourage the remnant of his people to live by faith and remind them that he had not forgotten them. Their current situation was not a disaster. God still had a purpose and a plan even if it was very different from their expectations. The plan was for them to continue living as they had in Israel before they were exiled. It did not include putting their lives on hold, waiting for their return. There is a lesson here for us who live thousands of years later. When we too are unsure of a direction, or we’re facing challenging times, so often we hold our breath and wait. We hesitate and take our eyes off our primary goal of serving Jesus with our whole lives. These verses, however, urged those first readers (or listeners) to keep breathing and doing the ordinary things as before. Continue praising and talking to God about all things; continue meeting with people; engage in all your regular activities. Exercise, social, work, community as well as church. In truth, we share the same purpose and plan that God had for his people in exile in Babylon. As with the exiles, God desires to have a relationship with us, to grow in intimacy with us. He wants us to delight in him, and to live lives that glorify him and point others to him. In the New Testament, when Jesus prays for us in John 17 or when Paul writes out his prayers in his letters, it is notable that their primary focus is the importance of an intimate relationship with Jesus or God. To increase in our knowledge of how much he loves us. For strength to live the Christian life, for unity. The apostle Paul writes these words to the Ephesians. I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called - his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance. Eph 1.18 (NLT) Notice, his prayers don’t focus on knowing which job to choose, or even where to serve in the church. Could it be, then, that God created us with our unique character traits and skills with the expectation that we use them for his glory in whatever context? His primary purpose for us is to have an intimate relationship with him, with the ultimate goal that in time, his name is known and glorified throughout the world. Although we live in a particular place and time in history, God has a much longer and broader perspective. After all, he knows the beginning from the end, and all the in-betweens. People have been expecting Jesus to return for over two thousand years. Yet, to God, one day is like a thousand years and a thousand years like one day. Frustrating as it is, when we want to know what’s next, or where the Lord wants us to serve, maybe we should just prioritise seeking him first—without other motives or other things on our minds. Perhaps as we do, he will show us the path. It might not be as exciting or dramatic as we would like or expect. It might even seem mundane, but as we each play our part, we can rest in the knowledge that God is working his bigger purposes out. In certain circles, there is the familiar call to ‘fulfil our purposes’, as though this requires us to ‘do great acts for God’. Sometimes, the message seems to be that unless we have demonstrated great power, or done something that draws attention to the spectacular, then we have missed our potential or failed in our calling. But while ‘great acts’ may be laudable, is the idea of becoming known for ‘great acts’ an aspiration we should value? In many ways, it is much harder to be content with an ‘ordinary’ life, and to allow God to do extraordinary things in us as he changes us little by little into his likeness. It may seem mundane simply to pray for our families and friends and to reveal God through our actions in the everyday. Yet this is our calling and our privilege. The (seemingly) little things really do count for much in God’s economy. Our attitude when kept waiting at the check-out. Responding in love to the unlovely ones in church. Exercising patience, love, and grace towards our loved ones at the end of a long day or week. These are the ‘great acts’ we do for God. They are the very things that display his glory in our lives. These are . . . ‘the plans I have for you . . . plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’

Jealousy. It’s a shameful thing! Right? Not something a minister would ever admit to publicly, nor need to? LET’S BE HONEST This morning I spoke with a minister who feels like he is running out of steam. He loves the Lord, but he is unsure if he has the energy to lead his church into the next stage. He once served the Lord enthusiastically; now he serves conscientiously but without passion. When asked who feeds and encourages him as he leads his flock, his responses, sadly, did not surprise me. He has tried to find a mentor, but none of the more experienced leaders he approached seemed to have time to meet with him. He has attended a clergy fellowship in his area, but found people comparing statistics and competing for prominence. In my work with Living Leadership, this is too familiar a story. We must be honest. Boastfulness and rivalry beset Christian ministry. And a major driving force is jealousy of other ministers and their ministries. We should not be surprised. It was ever thus. The apostle Paul was aware of people who ‘preach[ed] Christ out of envy and rivalry’ (Phil 1.15). James warned about the destructive potential of ‘wisdom’ that is ‘earthly, unspiritual, demonic’, revealed in attitudes of ‘bitter envy and selfish ambition’ (Jas 3.14-16). But there is another story. Many more ministers I meet are sincere servants of Christ. They know they are flawed but they are seeking to learn from their Lord. They seek to walk beneath his ‘easy yoke’, to be people who are ‘gentle and lowly of heart’ (Matt 11.28). They are committed to serving in the ‘wisdom that comes from heaven’, which, ‘is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere’ (Jas 3.17). Still, even amidst the best intentions, jealousy can rear its ugly head. Few ministers would openly confess to their churches, ‘I’m jealous’, but jealousy is a basic human instinct. And jealousy is not all bad. Yes, you read me correctly, it is not always wrong to be jealous. A DIFFERENT KIND OF JEALOUSY The apostle Paul once wrote, ‘I am jealous’ (1 Cor 11.2). This is no confession of a sinful attitude. He proceeds to call what he is experiencing ‘a godly jealousy’. To translate it more literally, he says he is ‘jealous with the jealousy of God’. Or, as the ESV puts it, ‘with a divine jealousy’. When God revealed himself to Israel, he described himself as jealous (Exod 20.5; Deut 4.24). This is the pure and appropriate jealousy of a lover for his beloved. God wants his people to worship only him. He deeply desires their love and devotion. He wants them to reciprocate the commitment he has made to them. So deep is God’s passion for his people that he even says one of his names is ‘Jealous’! (Exod 34.14) PAUL’S JEALOUSY As Paul writes to the Corinthians, his heart is attuned to the heart of God. He feels what God feels for the Corinthians. God is jealous for them. Paul is jealous for them too. That little word ‘for’ is important. Paul does not say he is jealous of them. Jealousy of someone is never healthy. Paul does not envy their situation or qualities. He longs for their affection. But here is the important point. Paul is not jealous in the sense of desiring their attention and devotion for himself. He is not a possessive pastor or a megalomaniacal minister. The only relationship in which we should be jealous for the exclusive affection of another person is marriage. And even then, we must be very careful to avoid the dark side of such jealousy. We should never be controlling and possessive, traits that are destructive and damaging. Paul is very clear about the kind of jealousy he seeks in the Corinthians. For I am jealous for you with godly jealousy. For I have betrothed you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ. 2 Cor 11.2 Paul doesn’t want to be the bride. He is quite content to be the matchmaker, who introduces these believers to the lover of their souls. In our modern Western marriage customs, we might imagine him playing the part of the father of the bride, walking the Corinthian church down the aisle to pass her hand into that of her husband-to-be. (Even though that image might seem a little strange, I’m sure you get my drift.) WHY JEALOUSY? Jealousy has a part in marital devotion because two people have made a covenant before God to become one flesh (Gen 2.24). God ordained human marriage as a lived ‘parable’ of his eternal love for his people. The image of Israel as the bride of God (Jer 31.31ff., Isa 54.5) lies behind his jealousy for her affections. This image continues into the New Testament, when the apostle Paul describes the Church as the bride of Christ (Eph 5.22-23). Having said that, earthly marriage doesn’t represent our human attempts to capture something about God. Rather, the marriage of God to his people is the substance—the eternal reality—and human marriage is the image, the shadow of this greater, heavenly reality. The culmination of history will be the union of the victorious Lamb of God with his people (Rev 19.6-9). All believers, from both Old and New Testaments, will be united as one holy city (Rev 21.9ff.) The apostle Paul explains that God is not yet married to his people; instead, they are betrothed to him in anticipation of the eschatological marriage. I have often thought that we would do well to think of ministry in terms of this Pauline image. Evangelism is matchmaking. Disciple-making is wedding preparation. Church services are wedding rehearsals. For now, we are betrothed to Christ. Only when he comes for his own will we be united with him as the bride of Christ. Paul understood this, and he was jealous with the jealousy of God for the Corinthians to keep their devotion to Jesus. Nothing should displace their love for him. They must not follow some other ‘Jesus’, some other spirit, some other gospel. So, let me ask you, minister, are you jealous in the right way? Do you share the heart of God to see his people love and serve him alone? This godly jealousy is the antidote to ungodly jealousy. When we are jealous for people to love and serve Christ, there is no room for us to be jealous of others. Godly jealousy may, of course, cause us to be wary of other ministries and ministers. We cannot feel good about them if they are preaching a false gospel or leading people into devotion to mere human leaders, like the ‘super apostles’ in Corinth. That said, godly jealousy will never lead us to look down upon, envy, or put down a sincere servant of Christ. It will never drive a wedge between you and other true servants of the Lord. Rather, your shared devotion to him should draw you closer as you encourage each other by his grace. We can cultivate godly jealousy if we keep our devotion to Christ. Three thoughts about what that means: It means delighting in the love of the Lord of the Church for us more than we crave the affection of those we lead. It means loving the Lord of the Church more than we love our visions for our churches. It means learning from the Lord of the Church how to love the precious people he died for more than we love our own reputations. That’s godly jealousy. Jealousy for the glory of Christ and the devotion of his people to him.

Thank you for buying a spanking new red car. Nice, isn’t it? If you have five minutes, please click on the link to send us feedback. So we can improve our customer service, of course. Like your new air fryer? Here’s a link to send feedback. And while you’re at it, didn’t you purchase a saucepan from us back in 2020? Let me send you a dozen more links so you can send us feedback on all the kitchen products you’ve purchased from us since you became digitally trackable. You know what? Why don’t you just write reviews all day long about every single thing you’ve ever bought or done? In fact, if you clicked on every link you were sent, you could even do a review on how well we’re sending links. Because you have time, don’t you? I mean, what is more important than writing reviews? As long as you’re sending in your feedback and thinking of us, we are happy and so are you. Thank you from the team at Feedback.com. A review of this message? That would be lovely. Ooh, that feels better. It’s off my chest now, so I can relax. NOT JUST ME It can’t just be me, surely? Everywhere I turn, I’m being asked for feedback (including from Living Leadership! 😂). The requests come from every possible purveyor of goods and services. From cars to casseroles, from travel companies to turnip growers, they all want my feedback. Personally, I delete these requests, but I’m a rarity. My impression is that many people seem desperate to comply. Which is why when I researched a particular pannier for my daughter’s bike, well over a hundred reviews were available on Amazon. In our era of hyper-individualism, we all think our opinion matters, so companies are lapping it up. We get to vent or praise or offer advice, self-realising ourselves into ever increasing degrees of self-importance, and each company receives free marketing by holding our attention, their logos emblazoned on our screens. It’s a win-win. But what a cacophony! Whatever you might think, feedback can be important. A series of poor reviews on TripAdvisor can quite literally destroy a hotel’s business. The thing is, though, if we’re not careful, we can be pulled into this obsession. When everyone is giving feedback on the quality of products from paperclips to pink champagne, we can start to give undue weight to the opinions of others. However, before you think this is a post on people-pleasing (very important topic), it isn’t. Instead, I’d like to give you some feedback myself. Sounds a bit odd? I may not even know you. How could I possibly give you feedback? Well, I can, because my feedback is based not on what you’ve done but who God is. Yes, it sounds strange, but this is how God relates to us. It’s not that he’s not interested in our behaviour, it’s that his view of us is rooted in his grace towards us, and that, of course, arises from who he is. His character. So, here’s my feedback. THE LORD BOTH LOVES AND LIKES YOU We all know the theology—that God loves us—but he also likes us. He likes you! A lot. He enjoys hanging out with you. And more than that, he delights in you. Each day you rise from your bed, he is excited to spend this particular day with you. No matter what you did the day before. The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing. Zeph 3.17 Yes, these verses were written for the ancient Hebrews, but the spirit of them still applies. That the Lord delights in you. What about a psalm to back this up? For the Lord takes delight in his people. Ps 149.4a But I still sin and let people down. Yes, of course you do. Like anyone else, you are still growing, and . . . Stop it with the feel-good stuff. I have bad days when I disappoint people and I disappoint myself. Well, that may well be true, but let’s be clear about this. You are never, ever, a disappointment to God. Never, ever. For a couple of reasons. First, God has perfect and comprehensive knowledge of the past, present and future. He knows everything about you, and that includes every choice you will ever make. Your choices never surprise him. And disappointment depends on surprise. It’s based on unrealised hopes and expectations concerning the future. We hope for something, and we don’t get it. This generates disappointment. The Lord never views us like this, because he already knows what we will do. So it’s impossible to disappoint him. But second, you are covered by his grace. He knows that you will continue to sin—this isn’t a surprise, as though somehow he had expected you to stop sinning. You may feel that you have let him down, but he never enters this emotional space. When your heavenly Father sees you, he sees the ‘robes of righteousness’ purchased for you by the Lord Jesus. He sees who you are ‘in Christ’. But surely a relationship must involve a response to behaviour. It can’t just be about status, surely? Oh, he responds to your behaviour. No question. But he constantly responds with grace. Every time you turn to him, you receive grace. Whenever you lean in with a repentant and humble heart, he is there to embrace you. So this isn’t really feedback, is it? It’s a trick you’ve pulled to talk about grace. You got me! Grace is my favourite subject. But it is also feedback, because I’m inviting you to reflect on your life, even though I may not even know you. And when you do that, I invite you to enjoy the wonder and beauty of God’s grace towards you. Church leaders can be so hard on themselves, finding the specks (and planks) in their own eyes, weighed down by their own fallibility. But the Lord doesn’t join us in that heart response, wagging his finger and shaking his head with disapproval. He just doesn’t. So here are some verses for you. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matt 11.28-30 My yoke is easy and my burden is light. Remove from your back all your regret, guilt, shame, disappointment, frustration, worries, fears, and unrealised dreams. Everything that weighs you down. The feedback you receive from the Lord comes from a person who is ‘gentle and humble in heart’ (some translations, ‘gentle and lowly’). You are, therefore . . . The one lamb out of a hundred, retrieved by a shepherd who refused to let you wander away and remain lost. The prodigal son, wrapped in the warm embrace of a father, who has never stopped loving you. The little man in the tree, who is seen—really seen—by Jesus, who delights in his repentant heart. The woman at Jesus’ feet, lapping up his every word, and the busy one, who is also invited to sit at his feet. The weeping sinner, who, though he abandoned his Lord, is invited back into the fold, to serve and lead his people. Enter any of these stories (or choose a different one) and enjoy his grace. This is because you are ‘his workmanship’, ‘a new creation’, ‘arrayed in a robe of righteousness’. You are the recipient of all God’s riches in Christ Jesus. This isn’t my feedback. It’s his feedback. He delights in you. He loves you. And his word to you today is ‘my grace is sufficient’. Always.

As we explained back in February, whenever there is a fifth Thursday in the month, we want to take that opportunity to share with you what is going on around Living Leadership, where we see God at work and what we are seeking him for going forward. We’re praising God for…. …growth and change in our staff team The last quarter has been a time of change for the Living Leadership staff team. In May, Phil Swinburn finished his time on staff with us. We are praising God for him and all that he did during his time at LL, leading on growing our Refreshment Days and Refresh Network Online and contributing to the ministry and staff team in a multitude of other ways. It was a joy to serve with him and we are continuing to pray for him and his family, and looking forward to serving with him in other ways going forward. As we talked about in our last news post, the end of Phil’s role led to a small restructuring in the roles and responsibilities of our team. Helen’s role increased so she now manages all the Refresh Ministries and the Network, and we are delighted to welcome Wendy into a new Ministries Administrator position. Coinciding with the start of Wendy’s role, we held our inaugural staff retreat. As a scattered staff, it was wonderful to have the opportunity to spend a few days together for fellowship, to dream, and to think about how we can better work together to serve leaders and spouses. Please join us in praising God for all the ways he has had his hand in steering this ministry and bringing together this team. We’d love your prayers for all of us as we seek to adapt to the changes and learn to work as this new team. Please especially pray for Wendy as she settles into the new role. …the launch of our first on-demand Formation course Another big milestone in this period was the launch of our first on-demand video course, the Pastoral Care Foundations Course. This was the first of our vision for courses that can be utilised by individuals and teams, in their context, in their own time. This first course aims to equip those with roles in pastoral care, with our hope to follow up with future courses such as one for leadership teams. It is our hope that the Lord might use this course to equip churches around the country. Please do join us in praying that this might be so. We’re praying for… …Formation Residential Conferences We are currently putting together the final details for the next year of Formation Residential Conferences, intending to launch booking in the next week or two. Formation Residentials are twice-yearly conferences for those in their first ministry role, often church internships though it is open to anyone in a junior or trainee role. The landscape of trainee roles in churches has changed in recent years and we continue to pray about how this conference may continue to best serve the churches and individuals who attend. We’d value prayers for the team as they pray and plan for the year ahead. …new Associates We are so thankful for the way the Lord continues to grow our Network, so that we have more people to deliver the support and training we offer. Whilst some Associates have stepped away in recent months to focus on other things, the Lord continues to provide more people to partner with us. In the last year we have welcomed seven new Associates, and we are looking forward to interviewing three more potential Associates in the coming weeks, with more applications expected in the coming months. We are praying that these interviews go well, and that the Lord might continue to bring the right people to partner in this work, and that we might be the right people to support them in their ministries also. Won’t you join us in praising God for all he has been doing in LL and praying for the work ahead?

We boarded the plane with heavy hearts, one-way tickets in our hands. Settling into our seats, we watched the city we had grown to love, with its sandy beaches and scrubby bushland, receding into the distance. Over the past few weeks, I had been focused on the logistics of moving a family across continents, but now as the aircraft gained height, my emotions slowly began to surface. The sorrow and pain of goodbyes. Bewilderment and confusion at what God was doing. Fear of what lay ahead and how our children would adapt. Guilt for walking away from friends with whom we had been serving. Transitions come to those serving in ministry in many different guises. They might be big and obvious, like crossing continents and cultures, or moving across the UK. They might be ‘smaller’, such as a move to a new home in the same town, or a new ministry role without actually needing to move. Sometimes, a transition may involve something more subtle, such as a much-loved and servant-hearted family leaving your church, or colleagues moving on. A few years ago, my husband was appointed pastor of the church we attended. We didn’t appreciate it at the time, but this transition was subtle and so we weren’t immediately aware of its impact. However, our kids were. They continued to attend the same school, with the same friends, but their profiles shifted. They became more visible. They no longer felt ‘anonymous’, since it now seemed that everyone knew our business. For one of them, this was especially difficult. TRANSITION IS INEVITABLE Transition is inevitable, but it does seem to be particularly prevalent in the lives of those in ministry. It is not unusual for ministry families to be adept at reciting the number of roles they have had, homes they have lived in, or schools their children have attended. As a child growing up in a ministry home, I used to love counting out the number of moves we had experienced. Someone once compared transition to the moment when a trapeze artist lets go of one trapeze, but hasn’t yet caught hold of the other. It can seem like there is no solid ground to stand on, and emotionally, we might feel like we are in freefall. For adults, there’s a lot to process but for children, the impact can be even greater. It’s very common for children to feel bewildered. Their lack of agency, the inability to understand why mum and dad would want to move at all, plus all that goes into adjusting to a new life; it’s a lot to process. REMEMBER THE CHILDREN A friend of mine grew up as a PK (pastor’s kid). I remember her telling me that her father would inform her of a move by picking her up from school, and telling her that it was her last day; the family was moving on. No time for processing. No time for goodbyes. This was a repeated experience throughout her childhood. Unsurprisingly, she struggled to form friendships as she grew into adulthood since she never knew when those relationships would be taken away from her. No doubt her father sincerely believed he was doing the very best for his family by taking this approach. So how can we help our children transition as well as possible through the changes that come from being part of a family involved in ministry? As a family, we have been hugely indebted to David Pollock, whose book ‘Third Culture Kids’ has had a significant impact on us. He writes insightfully about cross-cultural transition, as well as transitions big and small. Perhaps most helpful is his advice to families about building a metaphorical RAFT to carry them through transition. R = RECONCILIATION - This about relationships with those we are leaving. Are we leaving our relationships as healthy as we can, leaving an open door to return to them? Are there relationships that need work, people with whom we need to reconcile? Is there a need for forgiveness or apology? A = AFFIRMATION - This is about affirming the good in the people you are leaving behind. Are there people you need to thank? Should you encourage your children to do the same? What specifically has this person done for you and your family? Write a list of those people and suggest your children do the same. Give thanks to God together as a family, and then let these people know how grateful you are for them. Encourage creativity in your child—cards, pictures, etc to give them the opportunity to express their hearts. F = FAREWELL - What is a good goodbye? They’re important, but easy to get wrong. That’s because we’re all made differently. As we left South Africa, I thought I knew what would be best for my boys, so I suggested a large farewell party for all their friends. How wrong I was. One of my boys immediately poured cold water on that idea, telling us he wanted to say goodbye to each special friend, one at a time. What followed was several weeks of sleepovers as he had a final special moment with each significant friend. And of course, we don’t just say goodbye to people. We also bid farewell to special places and pets. Each requires time and attention. T = THINK DESTINATION - This is about focusing on where you’re going. What’s ahead of you? What will it look like? Where will you live? What will school be like? How can you prepare your family by exploring the road ahead? Internet searches, maps, images, and ideas can be shared around the kitchen table as you look ahead to what God has in store for you all. As I sat surrounded by open suitcases a few days before departure, my eyes welling with tears, I was prompted to read Psalm 121. Verse 8 resonated deeply; The Lord watches over your coming and going both now and forevermore. Ps 121.8 As I finish, a short caveat. However well we build our RAFT, it will not, and cannot, protect us from all sorrow, confusion, fear, and anger that arise from transition. Even trauma of various kinds. However, Psalm 121 reminds us that the Lord watches over us. And that should give us courage. He sees and knows the pain we and our children are experiencing. He is our helper, our protector, and our shade. We don’t walk this journey alone. He knows the path ahead even when we don’t, and we can trust him. Not just for ourselves but for our children.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s The Great Disappointer! The Great Disappointer is capable of jumping absolutely no tall buildings in a single bound. They travel at the speed of an average human being (and maybe slightly slower these days, if we’re honest). They are only capable of an average amount of work each day, and have never managed to defeat that ever re-spawning supervillain, the To-do List. They answer every distress call with an attitude of compassion and a desire to help but, to be frank, sometimes they get it wrong. They do not have the practical, financial, or people-resources to accomplish more than the most essential missions of the day. Their supersonic hearing picks up all your ideas and their X-ray vision sees all your hopes and dreams for the ministry, but they are powerless to make those dreams a reality right now. Then, when The Great Disappointer slinks back into the dead of night after another mission averagely-done, if you listen carefully, you can hear them utter their trademark catchphrase: ‘I’m sorry for any disappointment’. MY OWN SEASONS AS A GREAT DISAPPOINTER Clearly this is all a bit over the top and tongue in cheek, but have you ever had a season where you donned the cape of The Great Disappointer? The people around you look to you for support, for vision; they expect you to deliver solutions to the pressing needs of your church, ministry, or loved ones, but the only superpower you have is the power to disappoint them. Well, aside from the power to disappoint yourself. I have experienced more than one season as The Great Disappointer, and as a recovering people-pleaser, each one was especially challenging and tiring. Yet, God met me in these seasons with reminders of his truths, fresh perspectives, and new experiences of him. If you have worn the cape of The Great Disappointer, (and perhaps are still wearing it), then here are some reflections to help you discard it. JESUS THE DISAPPOINTER Even writing that subtitle feels scandalous to me. How could Jesus ever disappoint anyone? Yet he did. Frequently. Since coming to this realisation by reading God’s word, I have found this truth immensely liberating. We know from the gospel accounts that many people had great and specific expectations of Jesus, ones he didn’t fulfil. Consider, for example, the constant crowds who sought out Jesus for healing and miracles. Jesus healed a lot of people, yes, but on many occasions, he also left towns and cities where crowds were still waiting on him. He left people in need in order to travel further afield, and he withdrew to spend time with his Father (Mark 1.35-39). There were also times when his teaching disappointed people. We’re told that they departed with sadness because the truth he spoke was not what they wanted to hear. The rich young ruler described in Matthew 19 comes to mind. Finally, there is the judgement and scorn displayed by the religious elites, followed by cries of ‘crucify him!’ from the people, many of whom had welcomed him with hosannas just a few days before. Jesus was not the Messiah or military leader they wanted or expected him to be. As a result, their disappointment turned to malice. And yet, this was the path he chose because he was committed to carrying out the will of his Father in heaven. For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me. John 6.38 Jesus wasn’t swayed by the expectations and subsequent disappointment of others. He followed the will of his Father and completed his mission at the cost not only of people’s opinions of him, but ultimately, death on a cross. WHEN WE DISAPPOINT PEOPLE So what about us? Clearly, we are not in the same category as the Lord Jesus. He was sinless; we are anything but. We are capable of sin and stupidity and, at times, we deserve to be corrected and challenged. Sometimes we will be going in the wrong direction and when we encounter disappointment (or disagreement), it can be an appropriate wake-up call. However, that will not always be the case. As leaders, we want to seek God with pure hearts and pure motives, so the following questions are worth considering. Do you seek God’s will? Do you talk to the Lord and other wise believers about your important decisions? When making decisions, to the best you can discern, and with all humility, are they in line with the Lord’s will for you and the church? Are you acting with integrity, without open or hidden disqualifying sins? Are you leading and caring for the people God has given you to the best of your ability? Once you’ve answered these questions in humility and with faith, then a hard truth must also be accepted. Sometimes, you will still disappoint people. When this happens, though it may feel hard and heavy to do so, you can come to your heavenly Father in prayer. Just as the Lord Jesus did when he was burdened. What a joy to approach your Saviour, who knows exactly what you’re going through! Remember too, that you serve a gracious and loving God, who is never disappointed in those who have surrendered their lives into his care. Ever. He is on your side. Always. I urge you, therefore, to take hold of the following truths. People’s disappointment does not equal God’s disappointment. Your approval rating is not the barometer of God’s pleasure or blessing in your life. This is especially important for those who have become too dependent on the opinions of others. So, take heart! Lift your eyes to your Lord. Know that he delights in your faithful service, even if others do not. GOD IS THE HERO, WE ARE THE SIDEKICK When we take other people’s disappointments on our shoulders, we place ourselves in danger. This is not our job, nor is it healthy for ourselves or those we serve. Yet it’s so easy to buy into this narrative. When everyone comes to you, hoping that you’re some kind of caped salvation figure, it’s hard to turn them down. Who doesn’t want to be seen as the one who fixes problems, makes wishes come true, and leads people to victory? It’s nonsense, of course, but therein lies the danger. Not only does it tap into your pride but before long, you can end up feeling like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. You are the one holding everything up and moving everything forward, making everyone happy . . . or sad. The cape has become an essential part of your uniform, but everyone’s still wondering why you can’t fly! I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you this, but . . . you are not the hero! You are the sidekick. Only Jesus saves. Only he can build his church. He is the powerful one. He has the resources. He is the hero. Always. We are weak humans, recipients of God’s extraordinary grace. Like many sidekicks in pop culture, we’re not especially powerful in our own right. I have no need to remind you how frail and vulnerable you are. If you’re anything like me, the longer you live, the more this truth becomes apparent. We are so very weak and limited. Both physically and in terms of our character growth. And yet, we have a mind-blowing privilege. Our hero has called us to be on mission with him. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Eph 2.4-10 “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matt 28.19-20 We are called to take part in our Lord’s mission to bring all nations into his kingdom. Notice, however, that he doesn’t do this by wrapping a cape around our shoulders and turning us into a superhero. Yes, by his Spirit he is changing and sanctifying us, but this side of heaven, we will never be without limits or weaknesses. In fact, our weaknesses give us the opportunity to rely on him more, and point others to him. Hear the words of the apostle Paul. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Cor 12.9-10 Being confronted with our own limits is a good thing. It moves our hearts to seek him in prayer, to submit to him, to trust him, to rely on him. And when we learn to do this well, we provide a model for those we lead. So, take the cape off your shoulders and refuse to put it back on. Follow your hero out into the world, and watch as he performs his wonders. Seek him in all things, and serve him obediently. Remember, also, that he is never, ever, disappointed in you. He loves you. And his grace is sufficient. At all times.

Dormancy. When you read my ‘word of the season’, what thoughts come to mind? Here’s the Cambridge Dictionary definition. Something that is dormant is not active or growing but has the ability to be active at a later time. This sums up winter for me, though I must admit that I am conditioned by one of my favourite mysterious archaeological structures. Located on one of the islands of Orkney, Maeshowe is a remarkable burial chamber dating back over a thousand years. History records that marauding Vikings broke into it looking for treasure. It’s believed they took shelter inside the chamber during a storm and whiled away their stay by carving runic graffiti on the walls. The record of their vandalism can be clearly seen. How do we know all this? It is all recorded in the Orkneyinga Saga of the twelfth century. The chamber itself was built by an ancient race of neolithic people who were certainly in tune with the cycle of the seasons in the northern islands. It’s a timepiece (of sorts) that still works all these millennia later. For around six weeks in the winter (from the end of November through to mid-January), the setting sun, should it break through the clouds, aligns with the central chamber of the cairn. In fact, the entrance passageway is aligned so that the rear wall of its central chamber is illuminated on the winter solstice, (the day I am writing this). There is no clear evidence of why the cairn was built, but some have seen its alignment as symbolic of death and resurrection: the sun illuminating the rear wall of the chamber on the longest day of the year, promising the return of the sun and the arrival of spring. For winter, the earth lies dormant. It will be active later. The Lord Jesus used this idea of dormancy in one of his more enigmatic parables—the story of the growing seed in Mark 4.2-9. I’ve reflected on this before in this blog, but it deserves another go within the context of the season. There is a man who simply scatters seed and then allows nature to take its course. The miracle of the seeds’ DNA and the nutrients, water, and soil has its effect as the seed sprouts, grows, and produces a head of grain. All of this happens without the man’s help. The concept has been described by theologians as ‘ex opere operato’, meaning ‘by the work worked’. Jesus puts it this way. All by itself the soil produces grain—first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head. Mark 4.28 So, if we take the seed to be the Word of God (Mark 4.14), we can reasonably guess that the growth of the plants is the working of God’s Word in our hearts. Is it possible, then, that because the grain grows without a farmer’s intervention, God can cause us to grow in our Christian lives, bearing fruit by his own sovereign power and the latent authority and effectiveness of his living Word? Paul seems to assume this interpretation when he states that ‘I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow’ in relation to the church in Corinth. (1 Cor 3.9) What a thought—growth during dormancy. I’m quite happy to lie dormant during the winter months, knowing that the seed of God’s Word is being effectively transformed into something active for a later time. Maybe we all feel like that as we lie recumbent for a short season of rest. There are periods in our calling as leaders when life enters a hiatus. I have been through a few recently. Retirement from a full-time pastoral role; the end of a nine-year commitment to an annual mentoring programme for pastors; fewer interventions in struggling churches, and a commitment to a new local church as an ordinary member. All of this coincides with a more permanent change in capacity because of disability. It has made me realise that life is just a series of transitions, and inevitably there will be cyclical changes to my level of activity. At moments of transition, we can decide for ourselves whether it’s time to change pace. If we’re wise, we won’t immediately seek to refill our plate, but instead we’ll wait patiently for what the Lord has in store for us. If leadership is our calling, there will be many, many opportunities to lead. Transitions, however, may be few, and when they come, we should be alert to what they are offering. We need to allow seasonal change to educate us, to show us whether our age, health, finances, even our relationships need attention, and even adjustment. We belong to God alone, and so, as leaders, there is an absolute requirement to live according to his ways, to be obedient to his plans for us instead of prioritising our own. This requires the following principles. WAIT. Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! (Ps 27.14) I’m so glad he repeated ‘wait’ twice. Often, we don’t hear it the first time! BE HUMBLE. He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?’ (Mic 6.8) Notice he says ‘walk’, not ‘charge ahead’. BE PATIENT. I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. (Ps 40.1) I’m cheating with this one because it includes waiting again! Nevertheless, this is about the character of our waiting. It is not to be the toe-tapping, deep-sighing, watch-checking kind of waiting. We are to be patient in our waiting—to pause and listen for the whispering of God. I wonder if you are in a kind of dormancy. Perhaps your circumstances have changed, or transitions are taking place in your life or the lives of those you love. Maybe you are leading less, and waiting more. Dormancy is a time to learn about ourselves and our dependence on the Lord. Remember that, most often, dormancy comes to an end. In time, we will be energised by the rising sun of a soon-returning spring. So, wait patiently. Dormancy is not death, just a temporary and brief respite.

“My father is Welsh but I was born in Ireland. Who should I support? Should I be governed by blood or birth?” These were the words uttered by a preacher I heard recently during the Six Nations Rugby Tournament. Wales faced Ireland in a critical match, with Ireland still aspiring to become Grand Slam Champions, and Wales trying to avoid the wooden spoon. The preacher was asking where his loyalty should lie. To his bloodline—his father’s Welsh blood specifically—or to the land of his birth—Ireland? LOYALTY Loyalty is one of those words that generates debate. There are some who believe that loyalty is an unvarnished virtue. We should be loyal to our friends in particular, no questions asked. By contrast, others argue that loyalty can lead to disaster. What happens when our friends turn out to be responsible for terrible deeds, and we have continued to support them long after their guilt has been laid bare? Essentially, loyalty is about our hearts. To whom have we given our hearts? We must make a choice, and then hold to that choice. From that flows loyalty, whether for good or ill. In the Bible, loyalty comes up when Jesus speaks about family. So, family (birth), Jesus (blood), and loyalty. Here are some reflections. THE ROLE OF FAMILY I love my family. My wife and children, especially, are dear to me beyond words. They are essential to my wellbeing. I imagine you feel the same about those dear to you. In addition, it’s clear that the Scriptures speak highly of our commitment to our families. The following verses come to mind. Honour your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. Ex 20.12 Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 1 Tim 5.8 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Gen 2.24 If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church? 1 Tim 3.5 Family is important, no question. But hold on, because Jesus says some very uncomfortable things about family, doesn’t he? What about this one? If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. Luke 14.26 Ouch! That’s a tough ask . . . until you place it in context, and realise that Christ isn’t calling for his disciples to abandon their families, but instead is challenging them about their loyalty to him. He must come first in all things. He makes this clear when he follows this statement up with a question about planning to build a tower. This is about the cost of discipleship, made clear with his summary statement in verse thirty-three. In the same way, those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples. Luke 14.33 Absolute commitment to our Lord is the cost of discipleship. MAKING FAMILY AN IDOL To whom is our greatest loyalty? To our loved ones or to the Lord? As painful as it may be, I think we need to ask ourselves the following question. Have I made an idol of my family? Were we ever to ask this question during a sermon, a few caveats are in order. ALL FAMILIES ARE DIFFERENT Our families are central to our identity; they give us meaning, and aside from the Lord himself, they are our greatest source of love, without which we cannot survive. Hyperbolic perhaps, but you know what I mean. By contrast, family members are often the ones who have caused us the most pain. Abuse, neglect, stinging criticism—our families form us in so many ways. So family is complicated. Very complicated. Ministers of the gospel cannot possibly know the depth of joy and pain that people experience from their family relationships. Which is why the question above should never lead to dogmatic conclusions about what it means to make family an idol. We just don’t know enough. Just because some are always in church, serving, and others do very little, we cannot draw conclusions about what’s going on their hearts from these observations. Family relationships are too important, too varied, too complicated. BEWARE OF THE CONVERSE We tend to think that more is better. We shouldn’t, but some of us do. More hours teaching, more time doing evangelism, praying, serving. More is good. But could this be a false dichotomy? Since Jesus is focused principally on our hearts, could it be true that some people serve at every opportunity because they’ve never really understood grace? They’re involved in every church initiative, because inside they’re soothing a painful wound to do with . . . well, take your pick . . . not being good enough, seeking affirmation, subconsciously adding to their tally of heavenly brownie points. Some people might actually need to spend less time serving and more time caring for their loved ones. And they may need a better understanding of grace. So is this a question we should avoid? Is it just too fraught with danger? I don’t think so. Jesus certainly didn’t think so, since he specifically spoke about his followers’ need to prioritise him ahead of their families. It matters to him that he’s number one. He doesn’t shrink from pitting himself against our blood relatives. What’s the solution? LEAVE ROOM FOR THE SPIRIT TO WORK First, this is an important question. It touches on our hearts, and Jesus is all about our hearts. It touches on how we spend our time and our money, a couple of our most important resources. So yes, it’s important. But it’s complicated, which is why there is only one person who can truly speak to us clearly on this question. The Holy Spirit. Only God himself can truly challenge us, encourage us, and give us wisdom on this most important of questions. Only he can do this, because only he truly knows our joy and our pain. He it is who guides us, loves us, calls us to follow Jesus and place him first above all things. BLOOD OR BIRTH? Are you completely committed to following Jesus? What does that look like when your family consumes so much of your time and energy? It’s tempting to reach for the word ‘balance’ at this point, but I think this is a mistake. ‘Balance’ gives the impression that all our priorities are lined up before us—God, family, career, hobbies—and each receives a measure of our time and devotion. We ‘balance’ them out. But this is wrong-headed. Because Jesus calls us to radical discipleship. He wants our commitment—one hundred percent. He’s not one of several. He’s one exclusive. The answer may turn out to be hidden in that word, ‘hate’. Once we let go of our traditional understanding of the word, with its swirl of emotions, then it’s easier to get at the truth that Luke 14.26 is about our priorities, and our ultimate loyalty. A challenge expressed with hyperbole in Jesus’ inimitable fashion. He wants our unrivalled devotion. That’s the point. It is not that we shouldn’t love our families, it’s that our hearts’ first love should be our Lord. And since he is love, he calls us to love. And whom do we love on earth the most? Generally, our families. With Christ as our Lord, and in his rightful place, he will lead us to love by the power of his Spirit, to live in his ways, with his priorities. By doing that, our families gain a loving family member, they don’t lose one. In the end, it’s not blood or birth, but blood and birth. We just need to make sure that blood (Jesus) has our unrivalled loyalty. Jesus first. Always first.

I have a strange childhood memory that I’m slightly embarrassed to admit. Here goes . . . Long before I became a Christian, I distinctly remember thinking it would be great to be a vicar. I know, I know, that’s a pretty odd thing for any child to think. But it’s the reasoning I have never forgotten. In my childlike way, I was convinced that if I was a vicar . . . . . . I would always know what to do. I’m not sure where this idea came from, but I suppose I simply saw vicars as people who were full of moral certainty. If anyone knew what to do, it would be them. As a small child, the world can be pretty confusing. How nice to always know what to do! IDENTITY Reflecting on my childhood, I think this rather odd idea may also have been tied to identity. All the vicars I knew put on a special outfit, a bit like Spiderman—although his was a red and blue rather swanky lycra number and most vicars avoided those colours. Nevertheless, their outfits gave them an immediately recognisable identity. I liked that. And then all they had to do was perform in a way expected from someone wearing the outfit. Spiderman saved the world. A vicar gave talks, shook a lot of hands, and drank tea. How hard could that be? Yes, I know I was naïve. I was young! But fast forward forty-something years, and I find myself in the curious position of actually being a vicar. Well, in my church they call me a pastor, but it’s the same thing. Over the years, I have come to understand that life is far, far more complicated than my childhood self could ever have imagined. Indeed, as a theologically trained pastor, I probably have more questions now than I did then. So, the ‘certainty’ piece was certainly wrong. The identity issue, however, is more interesting. For example, I have sometimes reassured myself with sentiments like this one: ‘I’m glad I’m a minister, because my job keeps me walking with Jesus!’ I suppose what I mean is that my job actually requires that I spend time studying the Bible and spending time with Jesus, and that’s great. What a privilege! It’s a little disturbing to admit this, but I sometimes wonder if I would still be walking with Jesus if I’d opted for a job outside the church. Would other things would have crowded him out? I don’t know. I hope not. This idea, however—that my job keeps me close to Jesus—doesn’t bear much scrutiny. If my time with Jesus is only something I do because it is ‘part of my job’, then there is something profoundly wrong. It’s the wrong way round. ‘Being in ministry’ shouldn’t be the thing that keeps me walking with Jesus. Surely, my ministry should flow out of my relationship with Jesus. It shouldn’t just keep me hanging in there. Instead, my walk with the Lord should be the source, the wellspring of my ministry. This should be obvious, but I fear that many in full-time ministry forget it. In a curious sort of way, my childhood insight into identity brought me closer to the truth. Christian discipleship is all about identity. It’s about who we are, and that doesn’t come from signing up for vicar school, but when we turn to Jesus and follow him. After all, he calls me ‘a new creation’. He gives me a new identity and a new beginning. With or without the cassock! (Though I don’t actually wear a cassock.) WALKING WITH JESUS As I walk with Jesus day by day, and am united to him by faith, I am being changed. I am growing. As his Spirit works within me, and as I feed on his Word—both understanding it and applying it—I am being transformed into the likeness of my Saviour. And this brings me back to my initial thought about knowing what to do. It’s not that vicars know what to do more than other Christians. The truth is, all those who grow to be more like Jesus gain an increasing sense of what to do in any situation. This is what it means to grow in wisdom, which as we know begins with the fear of the Lord. It may seem obvious, but my job as a church leader doesn’t, of itself, keep me close to Jesus. Anyone can be a minister and become overwhelmed and lose their way. Putting on the outfit will never change that. In truth, healthy, joyous, obedient ministry only flows from a direct, ongoing relationship with our Saviour. This will always be true. It is from the outflow of this relationship—and his work in our hearts—that we minister to others. DANGER! FAKE MINISTRY AHEAD The danger for some of us in ministry is that we are closer to my childhood idea. Instead of living joyfully from our connection with Jesus, we rely on the outfit. We know what’s expected and we have learned the skill set necessary to do the job. We can lead a service, counsel someone, preach a sermon, and we can do all these things while our spiritual life is cold and thin. We have enough ‘muscle memory’ to keep going through the motions. Over time, however, these outward behaviours, these ‘shows of ministry’, will neither bless others nor be good for us. We will increasingly find that running on empty is damaging to our health, our relationships with others, and most of all our relationship with God. (It’s worth adding that our primary role at Living Leadership is to support leaders, and we are especially eager to support those who are struggling in their roles. If you feel like you’re running on empty, then do get in touch. WARNING AND ENCOURAGEMENT So, brothers and sisters, this is just a reminder that we neglect our own spiritual life at our peril. We underestimate the importance of our own spiritual life to the detriment of ourselves and of the people we serve. As it happens, I don’t wear any special outfit that marks me out as a pastor—unless you count check-shirts! Instead, I am clothed with something far more important—righteous robes I don’t deserve and the full armour of God. You are too. So enjoy your outfit, and be thankful it’s not lycra. I’ve heard it can chafe 😉. The clothes we wear, the ones that really matter, are a gift from our gracious God. And remember that these beautiful clothes—our righteous robes—come with an undeserved new status: beloved child of God. So, whilst I cannot promise certainty, I can assure you of something much more important. When you delight in your Saviour, when he's the wellspring of your life, you will find a source of security and joy that will power your ministry. For the Lord is your Rock, your strong tower, your fortress. Whether you happen to wear a cassock or lycra on Sunday . . . or not.

I have three bugbears about Easter. And I’m conscious they may make me sound like a grumpy middle-aged man. But rest assured, once I get these off my chest, I will end this post on an encouraging note. First, the bugbears. 1) DATING No, not romantic liaisons. I’m referring to the method we use for setting the date for Easter. As a planner, I find the variability of the date of Easter frustrating. It causes me a headache when scheduling courses and conferences in the spring. It imbalances the lengths of terms in my children’s school and college. And it isn’t just a little variable. The earliest and latest dates—22 March and 25 April—are more than a month apart! I got excited a few years ago when it was announced that the Pope and other major global ecclesiastical leaders were in discussions over setting a fixed date for Easter, perhaps on the second or third Sunday of April. I’m not sure if they came to any decisions (and I note that Living Leadership has not yet been invited to participate 😉), but they would have my vote if they decided to do it. When I reflect on this desire for regularity, however, I fear this may have more to do with me than the dating of Easter. If I’m honest, this may be a sign of my tendency to want to over-programme things. Am I resentful of one of the few things in the calendar that is not entirely regular? Might it be a healthy thing for me to have to check up on when Easter will be this year, and to be creative about the implications of its variability for my plans? The date of Easter is, of course, set by the moon. It is the first Sunday after the first full moon after the northern spring equinox. Lunar calendars have served humankind well for millennia, and are still used in both Judaism and Islam. Is my preference for the regularity of the solar calendar over the more anarchic lunar programme reflective of a defect in my psychology or spirituality? Might I need to temper my solar intensity with a bit of lunar chill? As I pondered this, I realised that perhaps my first Easter bugbear is in tension with my second. 2) SECULARISATION For the average person on the streets of Britain or Ireland, Easter seems to be about three things. Time off. The arrival of spring (symbolised by bunnies, chicks, and flowers). Chocolate (usually in the shape of eggs). None of these is a bad thing. I enjoy the lengthening days, the signs of new life, and the taste of cocoa as much as the next person. But they are not what Easter is truly about. Easter is, of course, about the death and resurrection of the Lord Jesus. This is the occasion when we focus on the very centre of our faith—'the things of first importance’ (1 Cor 15.3ff). It is the great high feast of the liturgical year when we have more reason to celebrate than anyone has ever had. What greater story could ever rival Easter? Yet, I find myself struggling to remember this every time Easter approaches. Instead, I feel like I’m winding down to a break. That isn’t bad—and not at all contradictory to festal celebration—but I know I could be more disciplined in my preparations for Easter. I must admit that I’ve never been a committed Lent observer, so that may partly explain it. In addition, my low church heritage and my relative ignorance of the ecclesiastical calendar may also play a part. All that said, Easter is a gift. Such a gift! Each year, I am given the opportunity to draw close to the heart of my faith. Indeed, it is presented as a holiday and a time of celebration. However, this leads to my third concern. 3) NAMING I have never understood why we call it Easter. I know that, following the Venerable Bede, the etymology of the word is often traced to the name of a pagan fertility goddess, Eostre, although it may simply come from the word for East. Why we should settle for this term after so many centuries of Christian influence, I do not know. So, despite my usual love for good old Germanic (Anglo-Saxon) words, I envy the French, whose name, Pâques, derives from the word, Passover. I find it ironic that the other popular festival of the Christian faith—Christmas—has a name that is undeniably tied to Jesus, and has become a much more prominent holiday. I wish we could rename Easter something like ‘Resurrection Day’, or ‘Lordmas’, or ‘Jesus has been declared to be the Son of God in power Day’. It would make it much easier to bring conversations round to Christ. However, although that would be a positive thing, I suspect none of these will ever catch on. I’m also aware that the idea of renaming days as well as changing calendars has a whiff of revolutionary zeal. So, before I cry ‘Vive La Révolution!’ with too much gusto, let me finish by focusing on what Easter is all about. SETTING ASIDE THE BUGBEARS My three Easter bugbears are shared partly in jest. None of them has much to do with my experience of Easter. The date could be fixed and I would still be in danger of failing to make the most of it. I have no power to reverse the secularisation of society, but I can remedy the secularisation of my heart, large parts of which are ‘Un-Christianised’. I may not like the name, but I can still take the opportunity to stop and gaze in wonder. At the cross. At the empty tomb. New life is breaking forth as I write. I see it from my window, with buds about to open and birds making nests. We even enjoyed a couple of hours of sunshine here in Ireland today! The return of biological life, with its beauty, colour, and variety, never fails to surprise me. Not in the ‘unexpected’ sense, but in the ‘astonishing’ sense. No matter how many years I have walked on this planet, it is still capable of taking my breath away. Yet more startling still is the new life burgeoning in people across the world who are coming to faith in Christ. And of endless wonder is the new life that can sprout in this heart of mine. The revolution I need is within my jaded soul. When I stop and ponder the cross and the resurrection, I discover that my bugbears flee and my joy rises. My body’s resurrection is yet to come, but I have already been raised with Christ and, when I gaze on him, this new life in me springs up, irrepressible. This Easter, I pray that you are able to make time to bask in the glory of this simple fact: God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power.