Search Results

Rest is good. Hopefully, that is a pretty unobjectionable sentence, but it can be one that is so easy to ignore in our own lives. At Living Leadership we talk a lot about making sure to take a good, long break at some point in the year, and to have a sustainable rhythm of work and rest throughout the year. During the summer we practise what we preach and take a break from much of our usual activities (including this blog) and give our staff opportunities to work at a different rhythm and to take long times off for refreshing. So, this will be our last blog until September, but we wanted to leave you with a prayer for the summer that we also shared last year. We hope you too will find time to rest and enjoy a different pace of life this summer. Wishing you a wonderful summer! The Living Leadership team Father, You are the giver of every good gift and I am your finite creation and beloved child. I receive the gift of days without work as a good gift from you. Free me from false guilt and help me to make the most of this time. May my “holiday” be a sequence of holy days, encountering and enjoying you. In my “leave,” may I abandon burdens I was not made to carry, and rejoice in you and your creation. In my “vacation,” help me to be unoccupied with work and its stresses. In my “break,” fracture the grip of unhealthy attitudes and patterns in my life. May my “days off” be unhurried days of delight in those closest to me. Recreate in me a clean heart during this time. Refashion my rhythms in tune with your heart. Restore my joy in your salvation. Renew a right spirit within me that honours you in rest and in work. Refresh my love for you and others. May I live each day without work, aware of your presence and alive by your Holy Spirit, Through Jesus Christ, my Lord, Amen.

We need to talk about the P word. No, not that one. I’m referring to purity. So let me start with a question. Do you want to be pure? Does it matter to you? Purity almost sounds old-fashioned nowadays, doesn’t it? It calls to mind words like “strait-laced” and “uptight”. Especially in a world where self-expression is seen as one of the great virtues, purity comes across as prudish and unhealthy. It isn’t. It’s quite the opposite. Purity has to do with holiness. Being set apart for God. That’s a good thing. It also has to do with our bodies, and this is where the problem lies. Even if we’re new creations who trust in the Lord, our bodies will continue to betray us and lead us astray. It’s summer. In busy places, everywhere you look, people will pass you in tight-fitting clothing, sparse clothing, or with more flesh showing than normal. Bodies are not invisible. We cannot avoid seeing them. And our own bodies may respond to what we see whether we like it or not. So, here are the first three stages of our response to a sexually alluring person. I am seeing. I am noticing. I am taking a second look. My attention is lingering. I am entering into a fantasy. There are three ways in which we can respond to the challenge of sexual temptation, and here I’m simply talking about lust, the willing response to temptation that leads to sexual thoughts and fantasies. Denial Yielding that leads to guilt The pursuit of purity You’ll notice that there isn’t a category here marked “hope for the best.” Those who hope for the best fall into the first two categories. They either deny it’s happening, or they yield to temptation. That is because our bodies respond to sexually alluring stimuli and unless we have prepared ourselves to pursue purity, we will naturally fall prey to sexual temptation. Many Christians fall into category 1. We simply pretend that it’s not happening. Or we downplay our response. Fine, fine, we say, so I looked. So what? I didn’t lust, I promise. I didn’t! Or perhaps we admit that we took a second look, or kept looking, but we then deny the seriousness of the act. So I looked for a while, so what? It’s really not that bad. For those who fall into category 2, there is an endless round of falling, repenting and repeated falling—a vicious circle of guilt that never stops. Which leaves category 3. The pursuit of purity. Let’s return to the three steps. Step one – I am seeing. I am noticing. There is no sin in seeing. There is no sin in noticing. We are not called to walk around wearing blindfolds or looking up into the sky, whistling. Step two – I am taking a second look or I am paying attention/lingering. This follows automatically from step one UNLESS one pursues purity. For many people, it will follow almost without a break in thought. Yet in reality it is not inevitable. Nor is it acceptable. Not if we desire purity. Not if we value purity. Not if purity is a specific goal. So we must pursue it. If we don’t, we will quickly end up in step three—mired in sexual fantasy, tugged into lustful thoughts. If we have arrived there, we have demonstrated that purity isn’t that important to us. This brings me to Romans 12.1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. The choice of words here is fascinating. Offer your bodies. Why bodies? Why not souls or spirits? How interesting that for Paul, bodies matter. He doesn’t neglect the body. Indeed, the body is to be offered as a sacrifice. The body is used for worship. However, Paul isn’t teaching here that we worship ONLY with the body. The very next verse contains the famous phrase ‘the renewing of the mind’ to ‘test the will of God.’ (12.2) Body and mind—both are essential to God. We worship with the whole person. This is why sexual purity is important. When we lust, our bodies and our minds become contaminated. Indeed, they seem to be corrupted in the same moment. Our eyes see the tempting image, and if permitted a second or lingering look (or more), our minds are led inevitably to sinful thoughts. It happens very quickly, and stains the whole person, for our wills also become corrupted. So we cannot simply wait for purity to settle on us. We must pursue it. What does that involve? Intentionality Formation First, we must act with self-control. Intentionally. It’s not a surprise when we go out on a summer’s day, walk along the promenade and pass scantily clad people. Hello! We’re at the beach. It’s a place where swimwear is worn. So we must intentionally act to remain pure. That doesn’t mean we can’t go to the beach. It means we must consciously guard our minds, our thoughts, and our actions. Temptation cannot be avoided, but it can be overcome, when we determine to remain pure. But we do need help. We need protection, which is why we should put on the whole armour of God (Eph. 6). The moment we notice the half-naked person on the billboard or the person in revealing clothing, we must determine to look away. Immediately. Many people in our culture would just laugh out loud at that. They think we’re prudish. They think we’re sexually repressed and unhealthy. They’re wrong. We are a people called to holiness. We are offering our bodies as living sacrifices, and those bodies, along with our souls, are being protected by the simple act of looking away. In that moment, we are worshiping, because we are being obedient. But we will only do this if it matters to us. It must matter to us. And this is especially true if we’re leaders. It is precisely because no one in your congregation will know how you respond to sexual temptation that it is so important. The easier it is to hide your sin, the more likely you are to fall. Lust is one of those sins that hides in the dark crevices of your soul. It lies to you, telling you it isn’t that important, when at the same time it destroys you inside. Offer your bodies as living sacrifices. It doesn’t get more important than that. Worship, the very purpose of life, is at stake. Purity isn’t just an add-on, an after-thought. It is central to our worship. For we desire to please the one who made us and gave us a body with which to worship him. We are washed clean by the sacrifice of the Lord Jesus, and so we offer him our bodies in worship. During the summer, many of you will face sexual temptation. I urge you to think ahead, prepare your heart, guard your mind, and offer your body to God in worship. Every day. For he has made you clean. He has redeemed you. He is worthy of your worship.

The other day, I was having my “quiet time.” Except it wasn’t working very well. Perhaps that was the first clue. “Working.” So steeped in the Protestant work ethic, I see too much of my life as work. Even prayer is work. And that isn’t good. So I sat there in silence. Lord, I just want to know that you’re there, and I want to know that we’re okay just sitting here together. I’m too tired to go through my prayer list, so I’ll just sit here with you by my side. If you’re okay with that. And it was okay. It put me in mind of this passage from The House at Pooh Corner: Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. “Pooh!” he whispered. “Yes, Piglet?” “Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw. “I just wanted to be sure of you.”[1] Jesus, I just want to be sure of you. I wonder if you’ve ever wanted a Pooh-Piglet moment with your Saviour. Or if you experience them often. There are times when I run out of words, out of effort, out of . . . everything. And I just want to sit and know that my God accepts me and will sit with me for a while. I am often so grateful for the chance to be with my Creator without the need to speak that I want to give thanks. Thank you, Lord, for . . . everything. So, a couple of thoughts. One for you personally. One for how you pastor. 1 – Your own prayer life. When prayer becomes a burden, an effort akin to pushing Sisyphus’ stone up the hill, then give yourself permission to let the stone roll to the bottom of the hill. Sit next to it, and just be. It is certainly true that the spiritual disciplines are disciplines—they require effort—but there are times when we need a rest. In fact, I believe that we cannot move forward without rest. Including during our “quiet times” with its prayer lists and routines. Here’s a suggestion. Stop adding people to your prayer list that is now so long it is unmanageable. Lay down this heavy burden and enjoy your Saviour. Your community is best led when you have enjoyed spending time with your God, and if that means just sitting and “being sure of him,” then do that. The prayer list can wait. 2 – Be present for your people. If you’re a leader who’s often in a hurry, you can do a great deal of damage by failing to be present with people. I know a man on benefits who spent years trying to get the attention of a leader. He never managed it. The leader had no idea how to stop and give him his full attention. He was always in a hurry and apparently a man on benefits was not sufficiently important for him to slow down and spend a little time to show he cared. Be present. What does that mean? It’s not about the length of time you spend. It’s about the way you show you care when you’re with someone. Active listening. Attentive body language. Sincerity. A total lack of pretence. Often, a person is simply saying this: Leader, I just want to be sure of you. When you show you care, you mediate the love of God to a person. It’s a sacred moment. The other day, I heard of a leader who told his leadership team that he would no longer be meeting with anyone in the congregation because he felt he didn’t have a pastoral gift. Instead, he said his gift was preaching so that’s all he would do—turn up on Sunday and preach. I advised my friend on the leadership team to fire him! Tongue in cheek, of course. I’m sure you see the problem here. A leader without the ability to pastor is no leader at all. And that’s especially true in small churches. I’m not asking you to pastor without limits. We all have limits. I’m simply drawing your attention to the need to be present when you’re with the people you lead. Don’t look over their shoulders. Don’t glance at your phone. Don’t think of sport when they’re talking. Pay attention. Be present the way Jesus was always present with others. I just want to be sure of you. It’s such a simple sentiment. We have all felt it. We know the need for security that fills our hearts at times. So we reach for Pooh’s hand, our Saviour’s hand. Be not afraid to sit quietly with your Saviour, saying nothing, just enjoying companionship. And when you’re with people, give them your full attention. They may well be saying, Leader, I just want to be sure of you. That is a sacred responsibility. Offer it to God and give thanks. 1. There are lots of Pooh parodies on the internet. This isn’t one of them. This is from p.119 of my green hardback edition, 1961 (first published 1928). Truth matters to me; this is real. It is not fake or parodied.

As we approach the end of this academic year and look forward to the summer, it's got us thinking about the importance of rest. On the blog this week we are delighted to re-share with you our most popular post ever, from back in 2020, reflecting on rest and pain. My back is really sore. It has become quite debilitating, and the visits to a back pain specialist have had little impact. Having said that, when I receive a massage, I experience wonderful relief, but sadly that is short-lived. Why is my back sore? I’m told the damage was probably caused in my rugby playing days, but that was a significant number of kilos ago. The net effect of this is that my diversionary activity on my day off - gardening - takes me much longer. However, I still love to go out into the garden and get those seasonal tasks done. It takes me twice as long (at least) because I have to stop and rest. It’s important to let my back stretch – always forwards, never backwards. To deal with the pain, I’ve developed certain coping mechanisms. You might consider them a little unusual. For example, when I’m weeding, I find it a lot easier if I tackle the job horizontally. Up close and personal with those troublesome weeds. Once I’m down, it’s easier to stay down. So like some wounded soldier, I drag myself along with arms, hands and toes, making slow progress around the garden. When my neighbor first saw me using this technique, he was a little shocked. To my recollection, I simply looked up and began a normal conversation with him, as though lying prone on the grass was the most natural thing in the world. Why wouldn’t it be? He already knew I was a pastor, so he thinks I’m a bit odd anyway – now he’s sure of it! Before you think I’m just writing an amusing anecdote I do actually have a point. Here it is: I get the work done, but it does take longer. To get it done, I need to rest. Regularly. God wasn’t diminished by work, and when he’d finished, he wasn’t sitting there, exhausted by his exertions. He was providing a model for us because, as Pablo Martinez says, ‘He made us human beings and not human doings.’* It’s taken me sixty-one years to get to the point of recognising the absolute necessity for rest. I thank God for teaching me through pain, that whilst I can remain very active, I need to pace myself. I need to rest. It isn’t an option. It’s a necessity. In my case, my back pain has taught me a lesson that has been staring me in the face for years. It’s right there in the Scriptures. We all need rest. What will it take for us to learn our lesson, so that we don’t forget it? Or ignore it? God speaks to us in different ways, doesn’t he? I pray that he speaks clearly to you. St. Paul had a ‘thorn in the flesh.’ He prayed for God to take it away. I don’t do that. In any case, it would be a ‘thorn in the skeleton,’ since they would need to fuse my vertebrae! Instead, like Paul, I remember that His grace is sufficient. Of course it is. As far as the pain is concerned, I just ask Him to help me bear it. And I take twice as long on my weeding. On my belly. Let me leave you with these wonderful verses: Come to me, all who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matt. 11.28–30). * Take Care of Yourself, Martinez, P. Hendrickson Publishers, 2018.

You’re a leader of a small church with about seventy regular members. You’re a good preacher, and you’re quite well connected. One day, you’re invited to preach at a much larger church in a city near you. You accept the invitation. On Sunday, instead of standing up in front of seventy people, you rise to address over three hundred. When you sit back down, you’re buzzing. It feels good to use your gift, and you believe that God has used you in a powerful way. So they invite you back. Again and again. It started out so well, but after a while, you feel uncomfortable. Something doesn’t sit right. You believe the time is coming when you need to say no. In fact, when you review your life in ministry, you wonder whether that’s a skill you need to develop more. The ability to say no. PRIDE When considering an invitation, the first thing to be aware of is pride. Does this invitation pander to my pride? In ministry, one of the great enemies is pride, and the antidote is, of course, humility. The problem often arises when we add God or “God’s will,” or “serving God” into the mix. Surely it’s right to preach or teach or lead or . . . fill in the blank. Indeed, but what about this particular invitation? Given that we’re often filled with mixed motives, we can only make good choices by using the methods we normally use. Prayer (both speaking and listening) The Scriptures The wisdom of godly friends Spouse (if you have one) But there is something else to throw into the equation, and this relates not simply to preaching invitations but every decision to do with the use of our time. PRIORITIES Wise leaders have clear priorities. They understand their gifts, they know what their goals are, and they are not blown off course by their pride. That’s why they often turn down invitations that don’t fit within those priorities. I love the following quote from Nanny McPhee. She is a “fix-it” nanny, who visits a family with out-of-control children. Her wisdom, tough discipline and ultimately her love are focused exclusively on bringing order and reconciliation within the family. She is a salvation figure. Here’s her motto: There is something you should understand about the way I work. When you need me but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me but no longer need me, then I have to go. This is a person who is laser-focused on her priorities. She has not one ounce of pride. For Nanny McPhee, the good of the family is her singular priority. By the end of the movie, all the children adore her, but she understands that were she to stay, she would be superfluous. That’s not her calling. As you might imagine, the Lord Jesus was a role model when it came to priorities. That’s why he so often says “It’s not my time.” It’s why he gets up early to pray. It’s why he spends time with his twelve mates when he could be receiving the applause of thousands. It’s why he goes to his death. He knows precisely what the priorities are for the day ahead. So learn to prioritise. All leaders must prioritise, which is why all leaders must learn to say no. Because here is the wonderful irony, which I’m sure you can see. It’s by saying no that we are saying yes. To turn down an invitation is to say yes to the things that really matter. They may not be flashiest or garner you the most attention, but if you discipline yourself to walk the path that God has assigned you, you will find fulfilment. For that is your calling. EQUIPPING If you’re unable to say no, it’s quite likely that you’re not fulfilling one of the primary functions of good leadership. Equipping. (See Eph 4.12) This affects people-pleasers more than others. Every invitation is feeding a hidden need to be loved and appreciated. So the answer is always “yes.” Which leads to overwork. Instead, a good leader is always thinking about the whole body. When an invitation comes in, the response should be, “Who in our community could use their gifts to fulfil this request? Whom have I equipped to do this?” A great leader builds up and equips the community for service. How are you equipping your home group leaders? How much time do you devote to training others to teach or share their faith? When there is a task to be completed, do you seek to equip others, or mentor them? Even when leaders take centre stage, it’s an opportunity to train others. The youth leader, the associate minister, the curate*, they all need training. A church leader is a teacher-equipper by definition. Which is why saying no, and offering the opportunity to another is always, always an option. HOW TO SAY NO Most leaders are diligent, kind and thoughtful. One of the reasons they struggle to say no is because they don’t want to let someone down. Perhaps the request comes from someone who is in real need. Maybe it’s another minister with a sick relative. “Can you pop over and cover my evening service?” “Of course.” We don’t want to let people down. Here are some ways, then, to say no in positive ways. Say no to the request, not the person. Be clear that it’s the invitation you’re turning down, not the person. Do this by showing appreciation, and thanking them for the invitation. Turn a “no” into a “not right now.” If you want to help, but cannot do so on this occasion, be clear that you would like to help in the future. But ONLY if that’s true! As suggested above, offer an alternative. But ONLY if you have time to organise it. Don’t over-explain. It sounds like an excuse. Don’t lie. Honesty is always best. If necessary, ask for time. Pride instinctively says yes. Wisdom says “maybe, I’ll get back to you.” How will you know if you’re making progress in this area? By turning down every invitation? Actually, no. The most important sign that you’re making progress comes not by doing it a lot but by paying attention to how you feel moments after you’ve done it. You’re not worrying about missing out. You’re not feeling stressed. You’ve already moved on to focus on what’s important. You’re confident that God is with you, he loves you, he’s called you . . . whether you just said “yes” or “no.” So be encouraged. Saying no isn’t always easy. But it is necessary. Indeed, it’s only by saying no with wisdom that you’re able to say yes to the things that matter most. Amen to that. *Other leadership titles are available.

About three years ago . . . in a park near the south coast of England . . . Last K of Parkrun*, I’m fading a little. Not too much. Just a little. I’m nearing the end and I notice a lady nearby who’s also flagging a bit. My back is tightening and the pain is starting to kick in but I’m starting to ease past her. Then, for no particular reason, I decide to gee her up. “Come on, you can do it!” “You're doing great!” “Not far now, come on, keep up with me!” She smiles. I smile back. She speeds up a little. We run together. Doesn’t take much, does it? The power of words, the effect of encouragement is a powerful thing. But here's what I didn't expect. The moment I opened my mouth, something happened physically inside me. It was as though I had received an injection of adrenaline straight into my veins. The surge of energy inside my body was remarkable . . . and unexpected. I thought, “I gotta find someone to encourage every week. I could run a marathon like this, just telling other runners they’re doing great!” I'm not telling this story to claim some kind of moral virtue. Far from it. I have two points. Encouragement is easily done, but often neglected. The New Testament is full of encouragement, but how often do we do it? Not enough. Not nearly enough. I wonder why. For a start, it’s free. It doesn’t really cost us anything, yet for some reason we neglect it. Leaders, in particular, have a lot to gain from encouraging people. It is one of the most unused tools in the toolbox for fulfilling the calling set out in Ephesians 4.12—to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up. Built up. That’s a synonym for encouragement. Given that Ephesians 4.12 is essentially the job description for a leader in the church, it’s critical to know which tools we possess. So where does encouragement fit in? Well, it’s extremely difficult to equip people when they won’t step forward to be equipped. Certainly, the Sunday sermon is part of the package, but it’s not enough. Not nearly enough. The church is rammed full of people with marvellous gifts, and so often they just sit there, unused, their gifts lying dormant. Why? For want of encouragement. I have been in the church for many years, and I have to say I’m shocked by how reticent many are when it comes to stepping forward. Whether it’s false modesty, laziness, or lack of confidence, I do not know. What is clear is that many leaders struggle to nurture the gifts of their people. Step forward encouragement. To encourage is simply to feedback to a person the positive value they bring to a community. And not just their value but their potential value. Encouragement should be specific and sincere. Never flippant and offhand. “Joe, I was listening to you at the end of the prayer meeting, and really appreciated your wisdom as you talked to Bill. Have you thought about joining our pastoral care team?” “Fiona, you are fantastic at welcoming people. I saw you talking to those new refugees at the end of the service. I know the welcome team are seeking people. Have you considered doing that?” And yet it doesn’t have to be connected to specific roles in the church. It might just involve identifying the gifts they’re already using. Period. Simply appreciating Joe’s wisdom will certainly give him more confidence, and perhaps no one has encouraged Fiona for a long time. Your words may well carry her through the day. Your words have power. Back to a park in Southampton . . . That surge of energy inside my body on Parkrun? There was a message in that, I think. For me, certainly, and maybe for you. Encouraging others, doing good to others, nourishes the soul. It certainly nourished my body. The act of speaking to my fellow runner drove me on, it generated increased energy for my own race. It cost nothing, helped her, and made me feel like I could run the course again. So, here's a thought. Many leaders have preached on Jesus’ summary of the law—the greatest commandment(s). Many may have also linked the two. To love God, we must love our neighbours as ourselves. Very true. But what about the message inside the second of these two commandments? Love your neighbour as yourself. Perhaps this injunction contains an internal dynamic we might have missed. For surely the best way to love yourself is to love your neighbour. And the degree to which you care for others—on Parkrun, that meant encouragement—is the degree to which you truly love yourself. By encouraging my fellow runner, I generated a surge of energy that drove me up the hill. It did me good to do her good. We know this, and yet sometimes we forget. We allow people to walk away without giving them a word to lift them. Let’s commit to changing that. It’s free. It’s not hard. It just takes some thought. So, this next week, why don't you identify someone in your life who could do with some “geeing up?” Don't be glib; don't make it a joke. Mean it when you say you appreciate what they do. You may find your body surging with adrenaline. Or you may feel your soul start to fly. But one thing's for certain. Your “encouragee” will appreciate your words. And you might even make their day. *Parkrun is a worldwide movement. Using an army of volunteers, it organises 5K runs in parks for millions of people each Saturday morning.

I love my friends. I do. I love them, and I love being with them. We’re on our annual holiday right now and here I am with my wife, Pippa, and some of our dearest friends. I feel like I’m in heaven. There’s a lot of walking, talking, eating, and laughing—all in an atmosphere of mutual love and trust. What a gift friendship is. A true gift from God. The TV series, Friends, first aired in the UK in 1995. Almost instantly, it became cult viewing, among young people in particular. The six characters—Monica, Ross, Joey, Chandler, Rachel, and Phoebe—really were good friends. They hung out together . . . talked a lot . . . helped each other get jobs . . . listened to each other’s problems . . . and generally had a great time doing . . . not a lot. They were a bright, witty, attractive group of twenty-somethings who made it their goal to enjoy life. Teenagers loved Friends because they hoped their twenties would be something like that. It appealed to thirty-somethings because it reminded them of how things used to be during their student days. And, in spite of its loose morality, Friends was a hit because it portrayed life the way many of us would like it to be. It described a world in which we’re accepted and cared for; in which there’s give and take, the teasing is never threatening, and we can cope with each other’s quirky habits. It’s a world in which we can live life to the full with people we love. Just like Pippa and I are doing with our friends right now. What is friendship? Here’s a possible definition: A secure relationship in which people enjoy each other’s company, respect each other’s values and watch each other’s backs over the long haul. I’m sure you could come up with your own definition. So, what are the origins of friendship? From where does it derive its power? FRIENDSHIP STARTS WITH GOD The idea of friendship takes us right to the heart of God himself because he is profoundly relational. Throughout all eternity, he has existed in a relationship of loving friendship within the Trinity—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Furthermore, he has created us uniquely in his image to be relational beings. The paradise-setting of Genesis 2 provides us with a picture of life as God designed it to be—Adam and Eve enjoying perfect friendship with him, with one another, and with the world around them. And that’s why we currently experience what C. S. Lewis describes as an “inconsolable longing”—an aching nostalgia for what has been lost through our disobedience and fall. Yet in his amazing grace, God still seeks our friendship. Out of his deep love for us, he pursues us and promises us salvation—prefigured in the Old Testament and then fulfilled through the Lord Jesus. Throughout the Bible, God often calls those who belong to him his friends. He describes Abraham as “my friend”, and speaks to Moses “as a man speaks with his friend”. In the gospels, the disciples show themselves to be deeply flawed men and yet Jesus delights to call them “friends”. JESUS: OUR GREATEST FRIEND Today, Jesus stands at the door of our hearts and knocks; he wants us to enjoy the mutual blessing of his friendship. Ultimately, only he can satisfy the hunger of our hearts. It’s because of this that our friendships with others must be based on our friendship with him. Only when he is our greatest friend do we possess the secure foundation that gives life to our own capacity for friendship. It’s the security that comes from knowing him that enables us to reach out to others, not looking to take, but willing to give sacrificially as he has given to us. He is the perfect friend who enables us to be true friends ourselves. INVESTING IN FRIENDSHIP Times of trial and trouble often reveal who our true friends are. As the writer of Proverbs points out, superficial friends soon fade away. Real friends, by contrast, stick with us through thick and thin. As the Lord Jesus reminds us, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends”. We all recognise the priority of sustaining our spiritual life. Most of us also recognise the need to nourish our physical life. But how many of us give much attention to our emotional life? The plain fact is that God hasn’t created us for a life of rugged individualism. We need each other—by design. At times it’s hard to quantify what a walk or a coffee with a friend will deliver in terms of ministry output, but that is exactly the kind of investment we need to make. We need friendship. Yet it follows that if we need to receive it, we also need to learn how to extend it to others. What if a friend of yours were truly in need? Would you be there for them? Really? Have you kept your friendships fit and healthy in the good times, so that they’re robust enough for the moment when a crisis occurs? Many of the church leaders I know have a lot of “friends” but this is where two uncomfortable questions arise. Would your friends turn to you in times of trouble? To whom would you turn when faced with a crisis? In short, how solid are your friendships? Are they surface-deep or do they go further? What kind of friend are you really? BUILDING FRIENDSHIP So, what are the factors that promote friendship? Time—it’s a precious commodity, and sadly, we may not see each other as often as we would like. So, while good friends have a remarkable capacity for picking up where they left off, the fact remains, friendship requires the investment of quality time. And that means at times, sacrifices must be made to prioritise a good friendship. Reliability—though our time together is often limited by our busy schedules, good friends are always there for each other when the phone rings.* Unconditional Love—navigating some relationships feels as if we’re walking on eggshells. The love undergirding true friendship isn’t like that. It allows for honesty and transparency. Instead of avoiding tough subjects, we’re open to conversation that treads into painful areas, because we know that we’re accepted and loved. And we extend that same love and acceptance to our friends. Security—many of our relationships are transactional. They work as long as we continue to perform. In true friendship, we never have to deliver “value” to the other. We have nothing to prove and nothing to lose, because we know we’re loved. Truthfulness—we can’t always “say what needs to be said” to everyone we meet. Things may need to be said, but not necessarily by us. Not so with true friendships. Friends can speak the truth in love in the confidence that what they say will be received and understood. It is precisely because our friends love us that we can speak truthfully, even when it’s hard. As the writer of the proverbs reminds us, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend!” I wonder how you have reflected on your own friendships today as you’ve been reading. How has God been speaking to you? Are you encouraged or challenged (or both) as you’ve considered the friends that the Lord has brought into your life? Give thanks today for the Lord Jesus who is your very best friend. Thank him for the good friends he has placed in your life, and ask him to give you grace, strength and wisdom to extend friendship to those who need it right now. * Other communication devices are available!

How many sermons have you delivered during your life in ministry? Two hundred? Five hundred? More? How many have you heard? Many more, I’m sure. But how many do you remember? And here’s the crucial question: Of those you remember, what made them stand out? What made them memorable? I myself remember very few of the precise details of the sermons I hear. And that’s understandable. My memory is no different from many who sit in your church building each Sunday listening to you. When you preach, you have multiple goals. Here are some: Be faithful to the Scriptures Help my people hear from the Lord Listen to the Spirit and pass on His wisdom Do rigorous exegesis There are more, of course. One of the most important is clarity. If we’re not clear, we simply confuse people. Yet to achieve clarity, it’s necessary to take complex ideas and condense them down, so that they’re understandable and memorable. And that’s why I’d like to suggest something called “Three words, one point.” Three Words. One point. It really is remarkable how few words you actually need to communicate an idea. In fact, I think you’ll find you rarely need more than three. Three words to communicate one idea. That should resonate a little, surely. Let’s start with the Ten Commandments. No other gods Make no idols Do not blaspheme Keep the Sabbath Honour your parents Do not kill Never commit adultery Do not steal Do not lie Do not covet Condensing ideas down is a good practice. A very good practice. And it’s essential when preparing sermons. There are so many words and ideas in your average passage of Scripture, it is easy to be overwhelmed. The letter to the Romans is particularly challenging. In most chapters, there is enough wisdom to fill several sermons. It’s like a fruitcake – so dense and rich you’ll get a stomachache trying to digest it all. So, the shorter the better. Here’s an outline of the Bible in one or two words. God God is God saves God restores God’s love God’s story Holy God One day, you should build your own collection. But it’s when we get to three words that things start to fizz. God saves man[1] God’s love story God defeats devil Three In One Father, Son, Spirit Faith, Hope, Love Goodness, Truth, Beauty Creation, Fall, Restoration Christ reveals God Death, Life, Eternity God loves man God is Love God will triumph God saved me Your Kingdom come Jesus is Lord The exercise of expressing big ideas with very few words is an essential one in preparing a message. The reason is that our minds are designed to grab and hold simple, clear ideas. The longer the sentence, the harder it is for us to remember the idea. The counter-argument, however, might be that when we’re confined to very few words, we are “dumbing down” the message. I disagree. Condensing the idea down to three words enables our minds to grasp the essence of the message. Its inner core of truth. That doesn’t mean there is no complexity to be explored. It simply means that as we prepare the message, we are rightly constrained by the central truth of the passage. If we don’t limit ourselves in such a way, it’s just so tempting to go off into side alleys. When this happens, we say lots of words, but our hearers don’t have anything memorable and solid to take away. It’s all a bit vague and meandering. One of the principal problems with many sermons is that the speaker is caught between preaching and teaching. They are not the same. When preaching, the principal aim is to exhort and comfort. Either we’re challenging our hearers with the truth, or we’re comforting them with the truth. A good sermon is used by God’s Spirit to speak his truth into hearts who either need comfort or challenge. Sometimes both. When our focus is primarily on explanation, we lapse into teaching, an activity with great value, but extremely hard to do in half an hour. Often, preachers fall between two stools – they do a lot of explaining, and then tack on a quick exhortation at the end. It’s very hard to do well.[2] There are, of course, many ways to approach a sermon, but I’d like to challenge you as you prepare this Sunday’s sermon. Have you managed to condense down the main idea of the sermon to one sentence? Can that be shortened to three words? I encourage you to try. Many preachers like three-point sermons. I’m fine with that. But each point could and should be expressed in three words (more or less). I can’t tell you why three is such an explosive number. It just is. Here are some ideas from the New Testament. Love one another Forgive your enemies Your Kingdom come Obey the Lord Submit to God By faith alone In Christ alone Please stop arguing! Thank God more Pray for me Love your neighbours Worship God alone Trust in God Lose your life Love the marginalised Christ is Lord Be faithful always Of course, feel free to add a few extra words, if you feel they’re needed. This is not some magic formula. It’s just a healthy, useful exercise to help a preacher become a better communicator. Sometimes, more words are needed: Christ suffers for us God alone is worthy of worship Trust in God not man Be patient in love Love until it hurts Speak the truth in love As you prepare your sermon this week, I challenge you to summarise each point in three words. If you can’t, it may well not be clear. Even to you. If you can’t manage three words, just confine yourself to one sentence (of any length). For those who love the three-point sermon, I encourage you one day to try out the one-point sermon. This is a sermon that works in a circle. The main idea is expressed, then every subsequent point (there may be three) is related directly to the main point, which is repeated. You always circle back to the main point. When you do this, you’ll find the sermon is very memorable. Of course, not every passage lends itself to this approach. But some do. Many do. One final challenge. Try writing a three-word outline for every book of the Bible. I’ll get you started. Genesis: God creates everything. Exodus: God saves Israel. Leviticus: God gives law. Numbers: More laws, wandering. Deuteronomy: God’s law review. May the Lord be with you as you preach his word this week. 1. I’m using “man” here to represent all of humankind. I like it primarily because it’s a nice, short word. 2. Churches in which preaching and teaching are properly understood function better than those in which preaching and teaching are clumsily blended in the Sunday sermon. This is my own personal view, and you may have a different one.

Did you see the Queen on the balcony? Did you watch the video she made with Paddington? Perhaps we should all carry a marmalade sandwich around with us. This past weekend was all about one person. Regardless of your view on the role of the monarchy (and we recognise that Christians may legitimately differ on it), it’s hard not to admire the Queen as an individual. The Queen’s Platinum Jubilee was such a welcome respite from the news, wasn’t it? Boris in trouble, the Ukraine under renewed, intense attack, and travel chaos. Into this stepped the Queen, all smiles, and the nation breathed a sigh of relief. We celebrated with her. In the street. In the garden. Watching her on TV. Hanging up bunting. Clinking our tea cups. Many say she is an inspiration. I’m among them. Here are the ways she inspires me. FAITHFUL TO THE TASK There is a word for this. Duty. The queen made it clear from the very beginning of her reign that she understood and accepted her new role. She intended to be a faithful servant of the nation, whatever the demands placed upon her. In her Devotions, she wrote about her forthcoming coronation: By the anointing God makes, blesses, and consecrates me Queen: and I am till my dying day ‘his anointed servant’. In the anointing God creates a new relationship between himself and me, giving me for my use in this office just those resources of his divine grace which I need to dispose hands and heart and mind to do his will. No one chooses to be queen. Elizabeth II didn’t select “reigning monarch of the United Kingdom” from an array of career options. It was bestowed upon her, and though her uncle stepped aside from the throne, she was never once tempted to do the same. She was committed to her calling and all it entailed. None of us can understand the demands of the role. Only the tiny number who wear the crown can. We see the wealth, the fame, the privilege. We easily forget the long hours, the huge constraints on personal freedom, and the requirement at all times to think of the good of the nation. Faithful to the task. As you serve your church, are you faithful to the task? I do not equate this with long hours. This has to do with self-discipline and the sacrifices that leaders make to serve God’s people. Serving without complaining. Getting on with difficult people. Running meetings that sometimes achieve little. Making decisions that you know will upset people—because tough decisions are part of the job. Loving those who are demanding and needy. Tolerating a welter of criticism on Monday mornings, because some in the community take issue with the tiniest of details. Setting boundaries for staff members who, without thinking, sometimes do tasks that are not assigned to them. What is a leader to do? Be faithful in prayer. Be faithful in service. Be faithful in all things. To the Lord. To church. To family. Duty has to do with setting aside our own personal preferences for a greater good. Serving when it’s the last thing we want to do. “Ma’am, I’m afraid we need to add one more visit on that day.” Imagine how often the Queen has had to attend yet one more ceremony. So . . . When most people have left the building, you notice a person sitting in the back pew. Alone. Head down. You’re desperate to get home for lunch—you have visitors coming—but you head back in to sit and talk. It’s your duty. You are faithful to the task. FAITHFUL TO HER VALUES First, family. The Queen has always placed a high priority on family life. She always remained faithful to Prince Philip. As Christians, it’s been hard to watch the breakdown of her children’s marriages. In particular, her annus horribilis was filled with anguish. Through it all, the Queen has maintained her dignity. She has continued to serve. In truth, the value she has been forced to cultivate more than most has been tolerance. That might sound odd. Tolerance is the ability to accept, encourage, and work with people who disappoint you, hurt you, let you down, make poor choices, and sometimes embarrass you. The Queen is not perfect, but she has managed to exhibit patience, tolerance and love for people with whom she disagrees profoundly. Prime Ministers who made terrible decisions. Children who brought shame on the family. Marital breakdown throughout the next generation. Never once has the Queen come out and publicly criticised those who have hurt or embarrassed her. In a culture which has become known for its plethora of opinions—on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter—she keeps her counsel. Television interviews have been rare, and she has always ensured that her answers avoid controversy. It is a requirement of the job that she understands. Such an approach has served her well. Finally, grace—a concept strongly associated with the word, “jubilee,” which is taken from the Bible. Jubilee in ancient Israel[1] had to do with releasing people from their debts, freeing slaves, and returning property to the original owners. In short, it’s about grace and mercy.[2] How has the Queen demonstrated grace? A recent example should suffice. What do you do when your grandson goes on TV and publicly criticises the institution you have led your whole life? Harry and Meghan could quite easily have been ostracised from the family. Excluded from every royal event. Yet the Queen chose a different path. She extended grace. She placed a higher value on grace than on judgement. FAITHFUL TO GOD How can we know what goes on in the heart of the Queen, a person most of us only see on TV or read about in the paper? One way is to listen when she speaks. Here are some quotes: For me, the life of Jesus Christ . . . is an inspiration and an anchor in my life. Jesus Christ lived obscurely for most of his life, and never travelled far. He was maligned and rejected by many, though he had done no wrong. And yet, billions of people now follow his teaching and find in him the guiding light for their lives. I am one of them . . . I know just how much I rely on my faith to guide me through the good times and the bad. Each day is a new beginning. I know that the only way to live my life is to try to do what is right, to take the long view, to give of my best in all that the day brings, and to put my trust in God. Like others of you who draw inspiration from your own faith, I draw strength from the message of hope in the Christian gospel. Why does the Queen inspire me? Because, as someone who professes to be a follower of Jesus, she aspires me to serve him faithfully. Is that not the goal of all believers? To serve our Lord faithfully. To bring him glory. 1 – Sadly, the Israelites failed very badly when it came to enacting jubilee. 2 – See Leviticus 25

Burnout or breakdown? Hopefully neither, right? If you’re in Christian ministry, I’m sure you want to avoid both of these. But are they actually the same thing? Or, in this case, does semantics matter? I think it does. And I believe that once we come to grips with the meaning of these two words, we will find ourselves both challenged and encouraged. Recently, I’ve been pondering Christopher Ash’s helpful phrase, “sustainable sacrifice.”[1] It’s the kind of phrase that jumps off the page, because it offers hope. It describes an aspiration we all have as we attempt to reconcile two forces that appear to be in opposition: Ministry is costly. Sacrifices must be made. God desires healthy rhythms of life that give us longevity, so we can “finish the race” well. “Sustainable sacrifice” is the kind of phrase that gives us a glimmer of hope that we can reconcile the two. Might it be possible to make sacrifices and keep serving without burning out? Perhaps some wisdom can be found in considering the meaning of these two words, burnout and breakdown. My first observation is that we can be a little sloppy in our use of language. For example, Dr. Steve Midgley writes that “Burnout isn’t a medical diagnosis . . . nor is ‘mental breakdown’”. Yet we use these terms interchangeably to describe those who find themselves “tipping over the edge.”[2] But what do the words mean? I’ve noticed that in ministry circles, we’re far more likely to talk of burning out than breaking down. I suspect that this panders, perhaps subconsciously, to our works-orientated egos. If I’ve burnt out, then this is due to my hard work. In a perverse sort of way, it’s something to be celebrated. It draws from the kind of thinking attributed to the famous missionary, Amy Carmichael, who wrote, “I would rather burn out than rust out.” By contrast, breaking down sounds like something unwanted has happened to us. It feels, dare I say it, weaker. And that is really my point. There is a truth here to be grasped. For the very essence of the gospel is that we are broken, weak, and needy. We depend on Jesus for everything. His strength is made perfect in our weakness. Yet instead of confessing to our own need, we reach for the language of burnout. Perhaps because it is less shameful than breaking down? Or maybe because it is less humiliating than telling people that we’re struggling in both body and soul. So, here are a couple of reasons why we should embrace the language of breakdown. Burnout sounds final. An ash pile can’t be re-made into wood. Once burnt, one can’t be “unburned.” Breakdown, however, brings a person to a place of humility. It is precisely the starting point from which Jesus loves to work. For this reason, it is a much more hopeful term. I realise it comes with challenges, but it really is worth embracing. Anything that brings us to our knees before our Saviour—seeking his help, entrusting ourselves into his care—is a good thing. I cannot tell you how to avoid breaking down beyond the obvious. But today, I encourage you to avoid putting a spin on your pain, and presenting your hard work as a justification for your troubles. It is humility that the Lord desires, and that doesn’t come from working fourteen-hour days. “Breaking down” doesn’t sound good. There is a reason for this. It’s not the Lord’s design. He desires neither burnout nor breakdown for his servants. That’s why Christopher Ash includes the adjective, sustainable, next to sacrifice. It’s why God gave us the Sabbath—at least one day in seven when we are called to rest. It’s a pattern that both honours work, and provides a path towards longevity. It we take care of both our bodies and our souls, it is perfectly possible to finish the race well. In giving us a rhythm of life that includes rest, God has created us to be able to serve him sustainably. In the New Testament, the apostle Paul calls on husbands to care for their wives as for their own body. Love entails self-care. It doesn’t lead to burnout and the destruction of the body. It is not noble to tell oneself how many extra hours have been poured into the week. After all, from which well are we drawing? From the desperate urge to please others, or from the pure stream of God’s love and grace, filled to overflowing with his joy? Living Leadership exists to help leaders draw from a well that never runs dry—the joy of the Lord, the experience of his grace. That kind of self-care never runs out. So, let’s think about the language we use when we talk to each other. There is nothing virtuous in burning out. And “breaking down,” while a better term, is never God’s desire for us. So let us listen to each other well, and encourage each other when life is challenging. If you ever feel like you’re struggling, then don’t wait until it’s too late. Living Leadership can help. Our Associates will offer their time to listen and pray. And as we serve, may our lives be offered as “sustainable sacrifices.” Sustained, as they are, by the power and strength of our heavenly Father, who loves us, and the Son, who gave himself up for us. 1. Zeal without Burnout. Ash. p117. 2. Some helpful books on the subject: Going the Distance (Peter Brain), Serving without Sinking (John Hindley) and Zeal without Burnout (Christopher Ash) — all of which I would recommend.

Help! Confusion has entered the Underwood household! Mariia has arrived and our whole world has been turned upside down. A refugee from war-torn Ukraine, she has washed up on the shores of the U.K. and into our home. She’s not to blame, of course. In fact, she is an absolute delight, enriching our lives immeasurably. So why the confusion? In short, the language barrier. She speaks English as well as we speak Ukrainian. So you can imagine, can’t you? Our Ukrainian isn’t rusty . . . it’s practically non-existent! Gone is the witty riposte or the animated conversation over the meal table. Now, all communication has been reduced to short monosyllabic sentences delivered and received with a great deal of uncertainty via Google Translate*. The potential for misunderstandings is huge, as evidenced by a hilarious conversation about trifle recently! How did we get into this hopeless situation? Well, I blame our forefathers, the Babel-onians. Their story started after the Flood. Life was progressing apace in their time, and they had reached the point where they had both the technology and the will to work together. “Let's build a tower!” they said. The motive for this grand project? To reach to the heavens. How interesting! The name Babylon means the gate of heaven . . . the gate of god. The aim of these ancient Babel-onians was to build a city that would reach to heaven and establish their reputation forever. But there was another motivation lurking behind this project – fear. On the far side of Eden and out of fellowship with their Maker, the Babel-onians were suffering from a deep sense of insecurity. They believed that unless they took the initiative, their strength would be dissipated, and they would be scattered across the face of the earth. The irony, of course, is that they were half right. Like all good lies, it was half true. These ancient people were created by God to be like God – appointed to spread his good rule across the whole world. But that wasn’t enough for them. They wanted to rule the world for themselves – as we still do today. The outcome? It’s Genesis 3 all over again – more division and frustration. What was God’s response? Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other. Gen. 11.7 Loss of language meant they could no longer communicate . . . they no longer thought in the same way . . . so they couldn’t work together. And unable to work together, they were unable to build together. So the Lord scattered them from there over all the earth, and they stopped building the city. Gen 11.8 But it was more profound than that. Language is not just about expressing our thoughts; it’s about shaping our thoughts . . . moulding our values. It’s from our values that we create our cultures. Speak differently, and it won’t be long before we begin to see the world differently. And once we see the world differently, we begin to want different kinds of world. From that moment at Babel, then, national rivalries began to emerge. And that, ultimately, is the reason Mariia, along with millions of others, have been forced to flee their homes. And, indirectly, why Google Translate has become my best friend. What am I supposed to be learning from this? How is God speaking to me? Well, for a start, I’m learning to think before I speak. And when I speak, to do so with a smiling face and a warm heart. I’m also discovering that I need to be much clearer and more concise in what I say. I’m trying to put sloppy communication behind me. Finally, I’m learning to re-discover curiosity. How can I enter this young woman’s world? What can I learn from it? And how is God going to use Mariia to bring discomfort into my comfort zone, so that I grow? As we provide hospitality for Mariia, perhaps God is teaching us something new about our approach to evangelism. When the Lord Jesus issued his Great Commission, he instructed his followers to make disciples of all nations. When the Lord Jesus speaks about “the nations”, he doesn’t just mean people who are different from us ethnically, but people who are different from us in other, more subtle, ways too. As I think about the neighbours along my road, they largely share my ethnic background, but what “language” do they speak? How do they “see” the world we share? What are their hopes and dreams? What keeps them awake at night? To communicate with Mariia, I’ve been turning to Google Translate, but is there a spiritual equivalent that could come to my rescue? The good news is, yes there is! Right now, the Underwood household would be in meltdown without Google Translate. We would be gesticulating like cavepeople without the aid it provides. Yet its limitations are severe. For a start, its accuracy is dodgy at the best of times. I have no idea if it’s actually communicating what I want to say. But perhaps more importantly, it teaches me nothing. My Ukrainian remains at pre-beginner level, because the app offers no grammar or context. Furthermore, I wasn’t the only person to discover that Kiev is now Kyiv, and has little to do with small chicken bites filled with a tasty garlic sauce. Joking aside, Google Translate will never take me into Mariia’s world. And that’s because language is about more than words. It carries culture and values and experience. A computer app has no access to such things. But perhaps the most remarkable thing about this whole experience is the window that my wife, Pippa, and I have gained into another world. Mariia has arrived suddenly on the shores of the U.K. and now has breakfast with us every day - a living, breathing person from another culture, whose faltering attempts to talk bring us joy along with many laughs, tears, and frustrations. The Holy Spirit is at work in us and through us (I pray), as we communicate the truth about the Lord Jesus by caring for her. That is His work, for sure. But the Lord is doing more. He is slowly dismantling barriers in our hearts, and inviting us into an unfamiliar world . . . a world that is not our home. What did those Babel-onians ever do for me? Well, in a roundabout way, they brought us Mariia from another world. Because of their rebellion, we are not only learning to use Google Translate, we’re taking steps into a colourful, new world. We’ve only just crossed the border, clutching our passports, but we’re excited to travel somewhere challenging, different, and exciting. And as we arrive in this new world, we are absolutely certain that God is already at work there. *Other translation apps are available.

Tommy Tucker is ten years old. He stares down at the desktop. His heart is racing; his palms are sweaty. Miss Beaumont is calling up each pupil, one by one, to “go over” their homework. It’s his turn next. “Tucker!” The teacher’s voice booms out around the classroom. Tommy gets up and walks down slowly towards Miss Beaumont’s huge oak desk. When he arrives, he looks up at the bespectacled woman, whose hair is tied neatly into a bun on the back of her head. She takes off her glasses and lets them dangle down on a gold chain. She peers at him, her brow furrowed. She doesn’t look happy. “Twelve out of twenty, Tommy. I’m disappointed in you.” Tommy mutters something about trying harder next time and wanders back to his desk. When he sits down, he looks down at his maths homework. Alongside the mark, Miss Beaumont has written in bold red letters: COULD DO BETTER. Could do better. I wonder if there is a part of you that relates to Tommy Tucker. It is such a common experience, isn’t it? Either a parent or a teacher whom you disappointed. Or an expectation that you failed to meet – either created by yourself or by authority figures in your life. Wounds of this kind go very deep. So deep, in fact, that we can find ourselves in denial, pretending that we’ve “got over it now.” Sadly, could-do-better thinking leads to several serious problems in the life of the believer. For leaders, these effects spread far and wide, since they set the tone in their communities. WORKAHOLISM This is the most common response to could-do-better. Just work more. Try harder. Do more. If I just work harder, then I’m doing better. Given that my church seems to evaluate my performance by how much I’m doing, I will simply work harder. Perhaps then they (and my very own Miss Beaumont) will be satisfied with me. Well, you know what we at Living Leadership think of that. Not much. We were founded to help leaders find rest and healthy rhythms in their lives. Our primary goal is to help leaders experience the grace of God and the joy of the Lord. We aim to help leaders avoid burnout by drawing their strength directly from the Lord. Workaholism not only leads to burnout, it signals wrong thinking. It’s both a failure to understand grace, and a motivation for ministry that is misguided. This is quite apart from the reality that leaders who work long hours are often those who don’t delegate. They’re always hoping that their own Miss Beaumont will one day say, “Well done, Tommy. Good work!” Except that day never comes. Because they could always be working harder. PEOPLE PLEASING Could-do-better tells you that if you perform well, you will be affirmed, and maybe even loved. It is Pharisaic in origin, and therefore, it is antithetical to the gospel of grace. Could-do-better in church inevitably leads to people-pleasing, one of the most crippling attributes of a leader. People-pleasing requires strict law-keeping (both cultural and moral laws) and worse than that, it ensures that a leader is essentially a follower, not a leader. Weak and fearful. Not bold and brave. People pleasers follow the signals coming from the people, and they keep the people happy by giving them what they want. Since when did this bold, beautiful, wonderful faith become a timid, risk-averse, image-protecting project? Church history might help a little. It didn’t take long before the courageous, grace-filled believers lost their way. Legalism quickly replaced grace; control replaced freedom; power replaced service. But we don’t live in those early years of the church. We live now, post-1517. People-pleasing creeps in through the back door when a noble aspiration morphs into something quite different. Without our noticing it, “I’m here to serve my community” quickly turns into “I’m here to please the people.” Driven by could-do-better, I prioritise what people want, because out there in the pews, they all start looking like Miss Beaumonts. And it’s important to please her. If I pleased her, then . . . she would approve of me. Maybe she would even love me. So we play it safe. We never take risks. We work out what the people want and we give it to them. Over and over again. The wild, free animal that is Aslan becomes a kitten we place in a cage. It’s worth remembering C.S. Lewis’ timeless words in the mouth of Mr. Beaver: 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. Perhaps the saddest and most heart-rending truth about people pleasers is that they will never find true joy. Not only because they’re driven by fear and a lie, but because they are divorced from the true source of joy. Lacking faith in the ability of God to guide them, leaders turn back to their followers, hoping that if they can please them, they will find peace, and God will be satisfied. Poor Pastor Tommy. Poor Rev. Tucker. So what’s the answer? GRACE Grace is an otherworldly concept. It is so far removed from our human experience that even though it is central to our worldview, and our relationship to God, its truth often eludes us. We can explain it, but living it out often defeats us. We get the theory, but we don’t internalise it. The other day, I had a chat with a lovely young woman in church. She confessed that keeping the rules was really important to her. I asked her how she squared this with grace, and in truth, she couldn’t. Rule-keeping was so ingrained that it was impossible for her to let it go. And when you think about it, it’s not surprising. Our entire human experience tells us that we don’t receive unless we perform in some way. Eat your peas, then TV. Pass the exam, receive the certificate. Work hard, get the promotion. And then God comes along and tells us that he’ll give us a completely new life (and a life to come) for which we are required to pay absolutely nothing at all. Zero. Not a thing. Just accept with open hands and heart. What?! “No, hold on,” says could-do-better Tommy. I’m still called to live a good life, am I not? Well, yes, that’s true, but it sounds like you’ve linked the two. And God never, ever, does that. He never, ever requires virtue as a payment for grace. Never. Ever. Grace is free. Always. Or it isn’t grace. The thing is, if you’ve lived inside a could-do-better mindset most of your life, how does this even make sense? Most of us have our theological ducks in a row, but the design – all in a row – it’s so often “out there,” not “in here, deep in my heart.” In response, we preach about grace, but inside, we cling to could-do-better. We try to meet others’ expectations. We work harder. We value appearance over grace. Today, as you read these words, I wonder how God is speaking to you? If there is even a tiny piece of Tommy Tucker inside you, are you prepared to let him go? Are you able to turn to your own Miss Beaumont and say, “Thank you, but no, I don’t owe you anything. I don’t live for you.” But most importantly, will you take some time this week to breathe in the wonder of God’s grace. Freely given. Every day. Not just once. Every day. Will you give yourself permission to receive grace deep into your spirit? You don’t owe anything. It’s all paid up. Just enjoy God’s unwavering favour, which never fails, never stalls, never fades. And let go of could-do-better. You will never work hard enough, so stop trying. You will never please all the people, so stop trying. Instead, live inside grace until it pours out of you, and saturates all you do and say. May the Lord bless you richly as you serve him this week.