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Pastoring during the pandemic was hard, wasn’t it? As leaders, we found ourselves isolated and unable to connect with our communities. For some, the pandemic has also left a sting in the tail, a nasty barbed spike. The absence of face-to-face contact has served to aggravate minor pastoral issues that were smouldering away in the background. It’s like someone poured petrol on the fire, making it burn more fiercely. Personally, I’ve found myself getting scorched. And I’m not the only one. My wife, Katie, and I have been greatly saddened to hear of other “pandemic-related church blow-ups” among our friends and those further afield. Many in ministry are still feeling the effects. It takes time to move beyond the scars. As we’ve reflected on this season, and the length of time it takes to heal, we’ve considered some of the things we’ve learned. At times, could we have shown greater godliness? Almost certainly. Greater wisdom? Without doubt. We are a work in progress and we have much to learn. So, here are a few thoughts on what we’ve learned, in the hopes that some of these might speak to others who’ve gone through similar challenges. We’ve written from the perspective of a married couple, but most of what follows is relevant for a single person too. Remind yourself of God's sovereignty and grace, and his faithfulness to you. Take time to be thankful even if you don't feel like it. We’ve been finding Psalm 25 especially helpful recently. Pray for the faith to believe that God can still use you in the midst of your circumstances, no matter how you’re feeling or how hard it seems. He is able to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine (Eph 3.20), and delights to make His strength known through our weakness (1 Cor 1.17-31). Remind yourself that the critical views are held by a minority in the church. Pray for those that persecute you—even if it's hard (Matt 5.44). Be gracious towards people who have reacted in extreme ways. Some have found the pandemic very challenging—sometimes due to issues we know nothing about. Deliberately hang out with positive people who are “for you.” Drink in encouragement from those who build you up. Find someone outside your community whom you can trust. Don’t be afraid to share your challenges with them. If you don’t know a suitable person, a Living Leadership Associate can help. Be careful how you talk about church issues with your children (if you have any). Teenage children, in particular, do not need to know about your struggles with “those difficult people.” It’s not their burden. Protect your times of intimacy with the Lord. Even if you don’t feel like it. Don’t heap up strict requirements, like long prayer lists. Keep it simple. Enjoy God’s presence. Receive his love. Go for a walk somewhere beautiful—whatever helps you enjoy God’s grace. Remember that He will never let you down, will never leave you nor forsake you (Heb.13.5-6). Protect your time off away from church. Ensure you make time to do things that bring you joy—sport, hobbies, time with family, whatever helps you de-stress and enjoy life. Chill. Laugh. It’s restorative. So do that. A lot. Don't allow “church issues” to dominate every conversation with your spouse. Or even those with other friends and colleagues. Consider setting one specific time aside each week to chat and pray. Then, as far as you’re able, try not to drag your worries through the week. Leave them before the Lord, who cares for you. Make a fuss of your spouse, (if you have one.) Ensure you protect those times of physical intimacy that are so important in marriage. Listen to the 'You're Not Crazy' podcast by Sam Alberry and Ray Ortland on TCG, especially the most recent season: You're Not Crazy. We found it very helpful. And finally . . . Pray boldly about possible next steps for the future. Perhaps the Lord is shaking you up, unsettling you for a change in direction. Or not. Seek his wisdom. Listen to advice from godly friends on this too. One thing is certain—whatever He has in store, it's going to be for your growth. It’s going to lead you to rely on Him more. This season may have hurt—it may have hurt a lot—but the Lord has not forsaken you. He has good plans for you, as you seek to serve him each day.

Beep beep! Waaaa-waaa! I was just drifting off to sleep the other night when my car alarm went off. I sighed. Not that again. Must be a cat or a fox that set it off. I trudged downstairs and went to turn it off. Next night, the same thing happened. Okay, fine. I need to turn off the audio part of the alarm, because this will eventually upset the neighbours. My indicator lights and sidelights can flash all they want. As long as I’m not aggravating these lovely people down the street! Warning signals. They’re there for a reason. To warn us of danger. To tell us to pay attention. You may have heard stories or seen videos of those unwise (I’m being polite here) people who zigzag their way round railway barriers. In some of the videos, they only just escape with their lives. In the really shocking ones, they don’t. Didn’t they see the flashing red lights? Of course they did. They chose to ignore them. On the night of 14 April 1912, the Marconi operators on the Titanic received no less than three warning messages from ships in the area. At 9.35pm, the steamer Mesaba sent a warning of “heavy pack ice and a great number of large icebergs.” The message never reached the bridge. At 11pm, Senior Marconi operator Phillips, under extreme stress, claimed he was too busy to pay attention to any more warnings from the Californian. Phillips told the Californian’s operator to “shut up, I’m busy!” At 11.30pm, a slight haze settled on the horizon, decreasing visibility. Five minutes later, the Californian’s operator, Cyril Evans, retired to bed. He never heard from Titanic again. Warning signals. Oh the trouble we could avoid if we just paid attention to them. Leaders have warning signals too. THE BODY The body has a pain system, designed to alert a person to danger. Yes, pain hurts, but without it, we would be in huge trouble. Indeed, when the brain fails to receive pain signals, awful things can happen. Those with leprosy, in particular, are prone to burn themselves, cut themselves, and develop sores. Quite often, amputation is the only way to save a person who has lost the ability to feel pain. What about you? Stress presents first in the body. It is critical to pay attention to the body. It is speaking to you. Loss of sleep, inability to concentrate, headaches, shortness of breath, muscle constriction, they are all signs that something isn’t right. We become stressed when the rhythm of our lives is out of kilter. We are not resting enough or we aren’t really resting when time is allocated to rest. We’re still checking emails, still scrolling. We all have different personality types—some say they thrive under pressure—but at the very minimum, I appeal to you to pay attention to what your body is telling you. EXCUSES Overworking, stressed out leaders tend to make excuses. The most common one is, “I don’t have a choice.” Instead of leading, they see their job as one long list of tasks. Services, meetings, decisions, more meetings. When challenged about the need to attend a meeting or lead a service, they reply, “But I have to. It’s expected. There’s no one else.” They’re not really leading at all, but struggling along, trying to survive. If you make excuses to yourself about your lack of agency, then it’s a warning signal. It’s a warning that the job has imprisoned you and your life has become defined by a set of tasks. This lack of agency leads inevitably to the next warning signal. LOSS OF JOY The joy of the Lord is my strength. Rejoice in the Lord always, and I say again, rejoice! Joy isn’t a static emotion, but a glorious experience that comes from being known and loved by God. Joy emerges from knowing him. It fortifies the spirit. It is also a powerful weapon to counter fear. When we serve God joyfully, we are made free. Fear does not constrain and imprison the person who serves joyfully. Instead, joy liberates the soul. It puts wind in our sails and empowers us to serve freely and with a willing spirit. It is a gift from God, received gratefully. Its loss is therefore a warning signal. If you have lost your joy, or are in the process of losing it, then the warning lights are flashing. They are calling you to pay attention to what’s going wrong. To ignore these warning lights is like a cyclist who zigzags his way past the railway barrier. It will not end well. LOSS OF SPIRITUAL CONNECTION What is life for, if not to love God and be loved by him? Overworking leaders begin to shortchange their times with the Lord. They begin to “dial in” their quiet times. Prayers become ritualistic and deep down, they know all is not right. Those good intentions to talk to someone are put on hold, because well, there’s so much to do. The ship slowly sinks even as the captain is pulling handles, ringing bells, and barking orders as loudly and as fast as possible. No captain can sail the ship when he’s on the verge of collapse. How’s your walk with the Lord? Really. Only you will know if it has become a warning signal. WISE COUNSEL Overworking leaders become experts at giving the right answers to those who counsel them. Oh yes, our fraternal is excellent. A wonderful group of chaps! What’s wonderful is that they never actually ask difficult questions, and even if they do, the overworking leader has a ready answer to every one. Oh, he has fooled everyone. Except God. He can fool himself, perhaps, but not forever. Eventually, the piper will call the tune. The thing about warning signals is that they aren’t worth a dime if they’re ignored. How often, when we hear a car alarm, do we say “Oh, let’s make sure the car is safe”? Hardly ever. Routinely we conclude that the car is fine and the alarm is broken in some way. The alarm can be ignored. I’m stressed, can’t concentrate. That’s just modern life. Making excuses? Not really. I just have a lot on my plate right now. That’s life. Loss of joy? Struggling to hear from God and feel his presence? Everyone knows our spiritual lives go through rough patches. That’s not a warning. A friend asking me awkward questions? I told him it’s all under control. Challenges, of course, but I can cope. The warning signals are there—they’re flashing and beeping—but it’s just so easy to ignore them or switch them off. How, then, we do install a warning system that actually works? They once tried to install a pain system for the body using electric shocks and other technology to substitute for the body’s neural pathways. It was quite sophisticated. It would work until the subject decided that s/he would override the system. Even intelligent subjects would do it. Without actual pain, they would pick up boiling hot kettles without gloves or walk around on open blisters. It turned out that the pain system we have is the only one that works because it’s outside our control. Which means you have to trust it. There’s a message in there, I think. I wish I could finish off this post with some encouraging words about a warning system that is foolproof. I would love to tell you that there is a guaranteed way to save you from yourself. I’m sorry to report that I know of no such system. Save you from yourself. Sadly, we cannot save ourselves. And while we exercise free will, God will not step in to do it for us. As glorious as our Saviour is, he will not coerce us. He permits us to live with the consequences of our choices. So I will simply reiterate the warning signals I’ve already listed. Body. Please listen to your body. It is speaking to you. Excuses. Only you will know when you’re making them. Ask a spouse or close friend, “Am I making excuses?” Then listen to their answer. Loss of joy and loss of spiritual connection. Seek the Lord while he may be found. He is longsuffering and gracious. He answers those who call upon his name. But if you are experiencing a deep sense of joylessness, then please go and talk to someone. Wise counsel. Be real. Take a good look in the mirror and come clean with those who love you. Stop the self-deception. If you ever find yourself asking, “Are things really bad enough to warrant talking to someone?” I want to be absolutely clear. That is a warning as loud as a flashing red light at the railway crossing. It is the dog barking next door. It is the honking horn from the car behind you as you reverse towards its bumper! If you’re asking the question, the answer is “YES!” Please listen to the warning signals. If you don’t have close friends nearby or you want to talk to someone outside your community, please get in touch with one of our Associates. They are ready to listen and pray. The Lord bless you as you serve him today.

Photo credit: Nicolas de Camaret, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons The last week has brought tectonic changes. After seventy years on the throne, the Queen has died. She is no longer with us. It is no surprise that so many around the country are feeling a degree of personal bereavement. Whatever one’s thoughts about her or about the monarchy, she has been, simply, there. I have found myself reaching for Psalm 46. God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. Psalm 46.1-6 Therefore, we will not fear . . . Huge changes in leadership can make people feel unsafe. It can feel like the earth is giving way. Many centuries ago, when Israel faced danger and the people were fearful, the psalmist called attention to God’s strength and his faithfulness. His constancy. That’s a word you may have heard or read in the last week. It’s been associated with our late Queen. I am in my mid-50s and, outside of my immediate family, no other figure has been so constantly visible for my entire life. In an age which is so conscious of the power of image, hers has been literally all-pervasive. No doubt a day has passed in my adult life when I haven’t seen some representation of the Queen, but there haven’t been many. Whether on stamps, or on TV, or when handing over coins in the supermarket, her image has been everywhere. That’s why she became part of our sense of identity and community. She was always there. She projected constancy. With a steady hand, she managed to steer the country through turbulent times as the U.K. moved from being an empire (when she came to the throne) to a Commonwealth. Constancy. We all crave constancy. It underpins and anchors who we are. Having some reliable certainties in life is extremely valuable to us. And that is what many will feel has gone. We do not just feel sadness at the loss of our sovereign. For many, it feels like a small (but quite foundational) part of everyone has died. This would be disorienting enough on its own, but the country is also facing global instability, an economic crisis, post-pandemic challenges, and a change in prime minister. No wonder it can feel to many that the waters are roaring and foaming, and the mountains are quaking with their surging. Yet constancy can be surprisingly ephemeral. Paradoxically, even constancy is fleeting. People are saying that they felt the Queen would go on forever because she had reigned for so long. But even seventy years is transitory. Indeed, in the grand scheme of things, it’s momentary. Christian leaders are shepherds. To care for people at a time like this, we need to be aware of the strength of feeling running through our communities. It’s good to be aware of our own emotions too. We are experiencing global and historic change, which can make us feel inadequate, and leave us feeling punctured, disoriented and afraid. Those we serve need to be reminded that while it may feel like the earth is moving, it is not. There is genuinely solid ground. Those we serve want assurance. They need assurance. As the Queen knew, and often reminded us, it was not to be found in a monarch or any other human being—except one. In contrast to the terrifying surging waters of Psalm 46, there is also a river whose streams make glad the city of God. There is a place where God dwells, that is safe and secure. His rule won’t fail, he helps his people when nations are in uproar, when even the very earth melts. As the Psalm repeats: the LORD Almighty is with us, the God of Jacob is our fortress. This is a moment for gentle shepherding. It is also a moment to lead people to Christ, our rock and our fortress. Many will feel bereaved. Some will be considering their own impending death, while others will find the passing of the Queen triggers memories of other bereavements they have experienced. Still others will be afraid of the unknown. The answer—the only answer—for each and every one, is trust in our King and his kingdom that cannot be shaken. They need to know that there is no power in heaven and earth, in life or in death that can separate us from his love. Sentimental sermons are not the answer. When facing insecurity, nothing less than God himself is enough. He is always enough. And he is constant. In the Scriptures, divine constancy has another word: faithfulness. Our God is faithful, even to the end of the age. So, as you lead your communities in the coming days, remind them that comfort and consolation come from knowing a faithful God, one who is working all things for the good of those who love him. Then the uncertain future will take on a different complexion. Not because we are adequate to the times, but because he is. And because ultimately, we are safe in the cleft of our Almighty Rock, who has us in his unshakeable grasp. A prayer by my friend and colleague Paul Coulter: Gracious God, Majesty in heaven, blessed and only Sovereign, We give thanks for the public service of Queen Elizabeth. In countless interactions, she treated people of every station with honour and dignity. We give thanks for her public profession of faith in your Son, our Lord Jesus. In her coronation vows and Christmas messages, she testified to dependence on Him. We give thanks for her steadfast devotion to family, nation and Commonwealth. Through changing times and personal challenges, she was a faithful wife and matriarch. We, who knew her a little from afar, pray for those who loved her dearly and nearly. May her family, friends, and servants find comfort in your love. In their grief may they seek refuge in your Son, and rest in your great promises. We pray especially for the new king, Charles. We give thanks for his expressed intention to serve with your help. May he seek your kingdom and righteousness above all else. May his advisors give wise counsel in accordance with your will. May his influence be for good, that your people may lead peaceful and quiet lives, Free to live in godliness and dignity in every way, and to proclaim the gospel of Christ. In the name of our Lord and eternal King Jesus, Amen. Photo credit: Nicolas de Camaret, CC BY 2.0 , via Wikimedia Commons

Editor's Note: This post was written by our Associate, Mark Howson, a follower of Jesus and a farmer. He wrote this post at the height of the drought in August. Do join with him in his prayer, "Let it rain, Lord, let it rain . . . " “Boy, ass as hud as ion!” declared Will, the pigman, kicking the soil. We stood on the edge of the field, looking out at some of the driest conditions on record. Our pigman, “a good old Suffolk boy,” knows what he’s talking about. The earth was hud as ion. This summer, we’ve observed our gardens drying up, the leaves on the trees turning in August as they normally do in late September. To make matters worse, some parts of the country have been affected by hosepipe bans. None of us has escaped the effects of the drought . . . with the possible exception of the Scottish Highlands. Lack of rain brings a whole host of challenges. This summer, we finished harvest earlier than ever before. We harvested our last field on 29 July—the week we would ordinarily be starting. Which brings me back to Will, the pigman. Ass as hud as ion. In late August, as I write this, we would normally have prepared the land for planting the oil seed rape. Indeed, we would have finished planting it. But as our pigman pointed out, “ass as hud as ion.” You cannot plant in soil that’s rock hard. It’s impossible. Until we get a substantial rain, lawns will remain brown, rivers will continue to dry up, and the seed will stay in the store. A phrase sometimes used by insurance companies is “an act of God.” It describes an event, often weather-related, which could not have been foreseen or prevented, and for which no one can be held responsible. As we feel the frustration arising from fields where the ground is simply too hard to work on, we are conscious that only God can bring the rain. We are completely dependent on him. We need “an act of God.” In Exodus, we read about many “acts of God.” Mostly, we focus on the plagues, but it’s worth remembering the act of God in hardening Pharoah’s heart. You may also remember this section from John 12. Even after Jesus had performed so many signs in their presence, they still would not believe in him. This was to fulfill the word of Isaiah the prophet: “Lord, who has believed our message and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?”[h] For this reason they could not believe, because, as Isaiah says elsewhere: “He has blinded their eyes and hardened their hearts, so they can neither see with their eyes, nor understand with their hearts, nor turn—and I would heal them.”[i] Isaiah said this because he saw Jesus’ glory and spoke about him. John 12.37-41 According to Jesus, it is by an act of God that the people are blind. As hard as that might be to read, it surely only makes sense in the light of verse 37. It is the people’s unbelief that renders them blind; their sin is at the root of verses 40-41. They need to turn to God in faith. During this season, we are completely dependent on an act of God to bring rain that will soften the soil. Only then can we work to produce the food upon which we all depend. No wonder farmers are fascinated by the weather! The most visited app on a farmer’s smartphone is the weather app. In the same way, as leaders in the church, we are also completely dependent upon the grace and mercy of God to bring the softening work of the Spirit on hard hearts. Only when God acts are people receptive to the wonderful life-giving gospel. PATIENCE NEEDED Last week, I noticed a large plume of dust rising from my neighbour’s field. Upon investigation, I discovered that he had run out of patience and decided to plant his oil seed rape. He had calculated that his precious seed would be better off in the ground than in the store. Who knows? Maybe God will show him mercy and send rain so that the seed can germinate. If the rain doesn’t arrive, however, he will have expended a great deal of time and labour to produce very little. At worst, he may have to re-plant the whole field again in the spring. In ministry, I have made similar mistakes. I have tried by my own efforts to break through to hard hearts, and that’s been especially true where loved ones are concerned. Often, I have done more harm than good. In spite of the best intentions, I have not always been patient, and have instead resorted to nagging in an attempt to reach a loved one. I have learned painful lessons through it all. It is humbling to confess this, yet I can also testify that God has been very gracious to me. When I have lacked patience, he has demonstrated it in spades. His grace and his mercy towards me is the air I breathe. I have learned—and am learning—to be dependent on God’s patient, longsuffering love. Now let me strike a balance. Paul wrote to Timothy, Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage— 2 Tim 4.2a It is good to be prepared and to preach the word. It is good to encourage and to take the opportunity, when presented, to share the gospel with those who don’t yet know Jesus. But then he finishes off the verse as follows: . . . with great patience and careful instruction. 2 Tim 4.2b Be prepared, yes, but also be patient. So here I am writing this in August when I would normally be out on the farm. Lessons in patience are hard, not just for me but for others. A fellow believer—also a farmer—said to me last Sunday, “Mark, we need to pray that God will bring rain!” I could feel his desperation. Yet how much more do we need to pray for God’s Holy Spirit to soften hearts so they can respond to the life-giving message of the gospel! And we do pray, even as we learn to be patient and depend on our gracious and merciful God. How we pray for rain right now. Please, Lord, bring rain, which is so desperately needed by so many. And as we depend on you, Father, for rain, so we also pray for you to act in the hearts of those we love. To reveal the wonder of the Lord Jesus. Only you can break through and soften the soil of a hard heart. AND FINALLY . . . Be encouraged. The Lord IS at work. He’s always at work in this world to bring in his kingdom. His will can never be thwarted. Remember Lydia, and be encouraged. One of those listening was a woman from the city of Thyatira named Lydia, a dealer in purple cloth. She was a worshiper of God. The Lord opened her heart to respond to Paul’s message. When she and the members of her household were baptized, she invited us to her home. Acts 16.14-15a The Lord bless you as you serve him this week.

Are you ready? End of the summer. A new term beckons. A new year. Forget January 1, September is the start of the new year, we all know that, don’t we? Students back, new school year for the kids. This particular year may feel a little different. The pandemic is now firmly in the rear-view mirror (though Covid lingers in some places.) Now we’re facing something at least as fierce. Anxiety over paying our energy bills. The prices in the supermarket. These are real issues for people in your community. Are you ready? Ready to lead them through a time of testing? After the quiet months of the summer, there is a real temptation to do a ‘re-set.’ Maybe try some new things. Perhaps be a little bolder in setting a clear vision. Nothing wrong with those ideas, of course, but on the back of them comes the temptation to work harder. Got to work harder. Got to project to the congregation that I’m working hard. They like that. So here come twelve-hour days. Even worse, maybe you are one of those leaders who only just made it to June/July. You collapsed, exhausted, into the summer. Now it’s September, it’s time to get back on the horse. Another nine or ten months of the flat-out. If you’re a regular reader of our blog, or you’re familiar with our philosophy here at Living Leadership, you’ll know what we think of that approach. Not much. In fact, we exist to counter this kind of attitude to leadership. Work, work, work, then drop. No, absolutely not. That is NOT godly, and it is not right. Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him. Psalm 37.7a REST Godly rhythms of work call for a life rhythm that incorporates rest. Right at the heart of how we live. So, as you begin this new year, I have some questions for you: Did you ‘collapse’ into the summer? If so, how is that approach to life working for you? Do you intend to ‘do it all again’ this year? Do you have regular rhythms of rest in your life? If so, what are they? Are they working? What changes do you need to make in order to create space for rest? You may have heard this little aphorism: If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. I’m not sure I totally agree with it, but this I will say—when facing a challenge, it’s essential to set out clear, achievable goals. In short, a plan. May I, therefore, encourage you to consider carefully how you will approach this coming year? Some more questions. What changes do you need to make to live a godly life of service and rest? What support do you have to help you navigate the challenges of leading your church? How is God speaking to you about the need to rest and find support? TALK TO A LIVING LEADERSHIP ASSOCIATE In answering question two above, may I encourage you to consider meeting with one of our Associates? Here are four reasons why this is a good idea. 1. They are—every one—wise and godly people. 2. Collectively, they have hundreds of years of experience in the work you’re doing. Each Associate has decades of experience. And I mean decades, plural. 3. They are outside your community. This means you can speak freely about any issue you’re facing without worrying about betraying confidentiality. They will focus on you, alone, to help you process the challenges you’re facing. They won’t judge. They will listen. They will pray with you. To get connected with a member of the team, email support@livingleadership.org Perhaps you’re thinking, ‘this is looking suspiciously like a marketing blog for Living Leadership!’ Well, you’re partly right. In a world where there is no such thing as a free lunch, we offer breakfast, lunch, and dinner. We exist only to bless and support you. So, here’s my final invitation. Consider attending the Pastoral Refreshment Conference. Make it part of your year as a statement that you understand the critical importance of rest. (Find out more) As I finish, may I encourage you in your role as leader? If you’re looking for a re-set, you can’t do better than remind yourself of your job description. Your purpose. And He gave some as apostles, and some as prophets, and some as evangelists, and some as pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ; until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God. Eph 4.11-13a Equip the saints. Or as Jesus puts it, ‘make disciples.’ The Lord has called you. He is with you. Even to the end of the age.

Rest is good. Hopefully, that is a pretty unobjectionable sentence, but it can be one that is so easy to ignore in our own lives. At Living Leadership we talk a lot about making sure to take a good, long break at some point in the year, and to have a sustainable rhythm of work and rest throughout the year. During the summer we practise what we preach and take a break from much of our usual activities (including this blog) and give our staff opportunities to work at a different rhythm and to take long times off for refreshing. So, this will be our last blog until September, but we wanted to leave you with a prayer for the summer that we also shared last year. We hope you too will find time to rest and enjoy a different pace of life this summer. Wishing you a wonderful summer! The Living Leadership team Father, You are the giver of every good gift and I am your finite creation and beloved child. I receive the gift of days without work as a good gift from you. Free me from false guilt and help me to make the most of this time. May my “holiday” be a sequence of holy days, encountering and enjoying you. In my “leave,” may I abandon burdens I was not made to carry, and rejoice in you and your creation. In my “vacation,” help me to be unoccupied with work and its stresses. In my “break,” fracture the grip of unhealthy attitudes and patterns in my life. May my “days off” be unhurried days of delight in those closest to me. Recreate in me a clean heart during this time. Refashion my rhythms in tune with your heart. Restore my joy in your salvation. Renew a right spirit within me that honours you in rest and in work. Refresh my love for you and others. May I live each day without work, aware of your presence and alive by your Holy Spirit, Through Jesus Christ, my Lord, Amen.

We need to talk about the P word. No, not that one. I’m referring to purity. So let me start with a question. Do you want to be pure? Does it matter to you? Purity almost sounds old-fashioned nowadays, doesn’t it? It calls to mind words like “strait-laced” and “uptight”. Especially in a world where self-expression is seen as one of the great virtues, purity comes across as prudish and unhealthy. It isn’t. It’s quite the opposite. Purity has to do with holiness. Being set apart for God. That’s a good thing. It also has to do with our bodies, and this is where the problem lies. Even if we’re new creations who trust in the Lord, our bodies will continue to betray us and lead us astray. It’s summer. In busy places, everywhere you look, people will pass you in tight-fitting clothing, sparse clothing, or with more flesh showing than normal. Bodies are not invisible. We cannot avoid seeing them. And our own bodies may respond to what we see whether we like it or not. So, here are the first three stages of our response to a sexually alluring person. I am seeing. I am noticing. I am taking a second look. My attention is lingering. I am entering into a fantasy. There are three ways in which we can respond to the challenge of sexual temptation, and here I’m simply talking about lust, the willing response to temptation that leads to sexual thoughts and fantasies. Denial Yielding that leads to guilt The pursuit of purity You’ll notice that there isn’t a category here marked “hope for the best.” Those who hope for the best fall into the first two categories. They either deny it’s happening, or they yield to temptation. That is because our bodies respond to sexually alluring stimuli and unless we have prepared ourselves to pursue purity, we will naturally fall prey to sexual temptation. Many Christians fall into category 1. We simply pretend that it’s not happening. Or we downplay our response. Fine, fine, we say, so I looked. So what? I didn’t lust, I promise. I didn’t! Or perhaps we admit that we took a second look, or kept looking, but we then deny the seriousness of the act. So I looked for a while, so what? It’s really not that bad. For those who fall into category 2, there is an endless round of falling, repenting and repeated falling—a vicious circle of guilt that never stops. Which leaves category 3. The pursuit of purity. Let’s return to the three steps. Step one – I am seeing. I am noticing. There is no sin in seeing. There is no sin in noticing. We are not called to walk around wearing blindfolds or looking up into the sky, whistling. Step two – I am taking a second look or I am paying attention/lingering. This follows automatically from step one UNLESS one pursues purity. For many people, it will follow almost without a break in thought. Yet in reality it is not inevitable. Nor is it acceptable. Not if we desire purity. Not if we value purity. Not if purity is a specific goal. So we must pursue it. If we don’t, we will quickly end up in step three—mired in sexual fantasy, tugged into lustful thoughts. If we have arrived there, we have demonstrated that purity isn’t that important to us. This brings me to Romans 12.1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. The choice of words here is fascinating. Offer your bodies. Why bodies? Why not souls or spirits? How interesting that for Paul, bodies matter. He doesn’t neglect the body. Indeed, the body is to be offered as a sacrifice. The body is used for worship. However, Paul isn’t teaching here that we worship ONLY with the body. The very next verse contains the famous phrase ‘the renewing of the mind’ to ‘test the will of God.’ (12.2) Body and mind—both are essential to God. We worship with the whole person. This is why sexual purity is important. When we lust, our bodies and our minds become contaminated. Indeed, they seem to be corrupted in the same moment. Our eyes see the tempting image, and if permitted a second or lingering look (or more), our minds are led inevitably to sinful thoughts. It happens very quickly, and stains the whole person, for our wills also become corrupted. So we cannot simply wait for purity to settle on us. We must pursue it. What does that involve? Intentionality Formation First, we must act with self-control. Intentionally. It’s not a surprise when we go out on a summer’s day, walk along the promenade and pass scantily clad people. Hello! We’re at the beach. It’s a place where swimwear is worn. So we must intentionally act to remain pure. That doesn’t mean we can’t go to the beach. It means we must consciously guard our minds, our thoughts, and our actions. Temptation cannot be avoided, but it can be overcome, when we determine to remain pure. But we do need help. We need protection, which is why we should put on the whole armour of God (Eph. 6). The moment we notice the half-naked person on the billboard or the person in revealing clothing, we must determine to look away. Immediately. Many people in our culture would just laugh out loud at that. They think we’re prudish. They think we’re sexually repressed and unhealthy. They’re wrong. We are a people called to holiness. We are offering our bodies as living sacrifices, and those bodies, along with our souls, are being protected by the simple act of looking away. In that moment, we are worshiping, because we are being obedient. But we will only do this if it matters to us. It must matter to us. And this is especially true if we’re leaders. It is precisely because no one in your congregation will know how you respond to sexual temptation that it is so important. The easier it is to hide your sin, the more likely you are to fall. Lust is one of those sins that hides in the dark crevices of your soul. It lies to you, telling you it isn’t that important, when at the same time it destroys you inside. Offer your bodies as living sacrifices. It doesn’t get more important than that. Worship, the very purpose of life, is at stake. Purity isn’t just an add-on, an after-thought. It is central to our worship. For we desire to please the one who made us and gave us a body with which to worship him. We are washed clean by the sacrifice of the Lord Jesus, and so we offer him our bodies in worship. During the summer, many of you will face sexual temptation. I urge you to think ahead, prepare your heart, guard your mind, and offer your body to God in worship. Every day. For he has made you clean. He has redeemed you. He is worthy of your worship.

The other day, I was having my “quiet time.” Except it wasn’t working very well. Perhaps that was the first clue. “Working.” So steeped in the Protestant work ethic, I see too much of my life as work. Even prayer is work. And that isn’t good. So I sat there in silence. Lord, I just want to know that you’re there, and I want to know that we’re okay just sitting here together. I’m too tired to go through my prayer list, so I’ll just sit here with you by my side. If you’re okay with that. And it was okay. It put me in mind of this passage from The House at Pooh Corner: Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. “Pooh!” he whispered. “Yes, Piglet?” “Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw. “I just wanted to be sure of you.”[1] Jesus, I just want to be sure of you. I wonder if you’ve ever wanted a Pooh-Piglet moment with your Saviour. Or if you experience them often. There are times when I run out of words, out of effort, out of . . . everything. And I just want to sit and know that my God accepts me and will sit with me for a while. I am often so grateful for the chance to be with my Creator without the need to speak that I want to give thanks. Thank you, Lord, for . . . everything. So, a couple of thoughts. One for you personally. One for how you pastor. 1 – Your own prayer life. When prayer becomes a burden, an effort akin to pushing Sisyphus’ stone up the hill, then give yourself permission to let the stone roll to the bottom of the hill. Sit next to it, and just be. It is certainly true that the spiritual disciplines are disciplines—they require effort—but there are times when we need a rest. In fact, I believe that we cannot move forward without rest. Including during our “quiet times” with its prayer lists and routines. Here’s a suggestion. Stop adding people to your prayer list that is now so long it is unmanageable. Lay down this heavy burden and enjoy your Saviour. Your community is best led when you have enjoyed spending time with your God, and if that means just sitting and “being sure of him,” then do that. The prayer list can wait. 2 – Be present for your people. If you’re a leader who’s often in a hurry, you can do a great deal of damage by failing to be present with people. I know a man on benefits who spent years trying to get the attention of a leader. He never managed it. The leader had no idea how to stop and give him his full attention. He was always in a hurry and apparently a man on benefits was not sufficiently important for him to slow down and spend a little time to show he cared. Be present. What does that mean? It’s not about the length of time you spend. It’s about the way you show you care when you’re with someone. Active listening. Attentive body language. Sincerity. A total lack of pretence. Often, a person is simply saying this: Leader, I just want to be sure of you. When you show you care, you mediate the love of God to a person. It’s a sacred moment. The other day, I heard of a leader who told his leadership team that he would no longer be meeting with anyone in the congregation because he felt he didn’t have a pastoral gift. Instead, he said his gift was preaching so that’s all he would do—turn up on Sunday and preach. I advised my friend on the leadership team to fire him! Tongue in cheek, of course. I’m sure you see the problem here. A leader without the ability to pastor is no leader at all. And that’s especially true in small churches. I’m not asking you to pastor without limits. We all have limits. I’m simply drawing your attention to the need to be present when you’re with the people you lead. Don’t look over their shoulders. Don’t glance at your phone. Don’t think of sport when they’re talking. Pay attention. Be present the way Jesus was always present with others. I just want to be sure of you. It’s such a simple sentiment. We have all felt it. We know the need for security that fills our hearts at times. So we reach for Pooh’s hand, our Saviour’s hand. Be not afraid to sit quietly with your Saviour, saying nothing, just enjoying companionship. And when you’re with people, give them your full attention. They may well be saying, Leader, I just want to be sure of you. That is a sacred responsibility. Offer it to God and give thanks. 1. There are lots of Pooh parodies on the internet. This isn’t one of them. This is from p.119 of my green hardback edition, 1961 (first published 1928). Truth matters to me; this is real. It is not fake or parodied.

As we approach the end of this academic year and look forward to the summer, it's got us thinking about the importance of rest. On the blog this week we are delighted to re-share with you our most popular post ever, from back in 2020, reflecting on rest and pain. My back is really sore. It has become quite debilitating, and the visits to a back pain specialist have had little impact. Having said that, when I receive a massage, I experience wonderful relief, but sadly that is short-lived. Why is my back sore? I’m told the damage was probably caused in my rugby playing days, but that was a significant number of kilos ago. The net effect of this is that my diversionary activity on my day off - gardening - takes me much longer. However, I still love to go out into the garden and get those seasonal tasks done. It takes me twice as long (at least) because I have to stop and rest. It’s important to let my back stretch – always forwards, never backwards. To deal with the pain, I’ve developed certain coping mechanisms. You might consider them a little unusual. For example, when I’m weeding, I find it a lot easier if I tackle the job horizontally. Up close and personal with those troublesome weeds. Once I’m down, it’s easier to stay down. So like some wounded soldier, I drag myself along with arms, hands and toes, making slow progress around the garden. When my neighbor first saw me using this technique, he was a little shocked. To my recollection, I simply looked up and began a normal conversation with him, as though lying prone on the grass was the most natural thing in the world. Why wouldn’t it be? He already knew I was a pastor, so he thinks I’m a bit odd anyway – now he’s sure of it! Before you think I’m just writing an amusing anecdote I do actually have a point. Here it is: I get the work done, but it does take longer. To get it done, I need to rest. Regularly. God wasn’t diminished by work, and when he’d finished, he wasn’t sitting there, exhausted by his exertions. He was providing a model for us because, as Pablo Martinez says, ‘He made us human beings and not human doings.’* It’s taken me sixty-one years to get to the point of recognising the absolute necessity for rest. I thank God for teaching me through pain, that whilst I can remain very active, I need to pace myself. I need to rest. It isn’t an option. It’s a necessity. In my case, my back pain has taught me a lesson that has been staring me in the face for years. It’s right there in the Scriptures. We all need rest. What will it take for us to learn our lesson, so that we don’t forget it? Or ignore it? God speaks to us in different ways, doesn’t he? I pray that he speaks clearly to you. St. Paul had a ‘thorn in the flesh.’ He prayed for God to take it away. I don’t do that. In any case, it would be a ‘thorn in the skeleton,’ since they would need to fuse my vertebrae! Instead, like Paul, I remember that His grace is sufficient. Of course it is. As far as the pain is concerned, I just ask Him to help me bear it. And I take twice as long on my weeding. On my belly. Let me leave you with these wonderful verses: Come to me, all who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matt. 11.28–30). * Take Care of Yourself, Martinez, P. Hendrickson Publishers, 2018.

You’re a leader of a small church with about seventy regular members. You’re a good preacher, and you’re quite well connected. One day, you’re invited to preach at a much larger church in a city near you. You accept the invitation. On Sunday, instead of standing up in front of seventy people, you rise to address over three hundred. When you sit back down, you’re buzzing. It feels good to use your gift, and you believe that God has used you in a powerful way. So they invite you back. Again and again. It started out so well, but after a while, you feel uncomfortable. Something doesn’t sit right. You believe the time is coming when you need to say no. In fact, when you review your life in ministry, you wonder whether that’s a skill you need to develop more. The ability to say no. PRIDE When considering an invitation, the first thing to be aware of is pride. Does this invitation pander to my pride? In ministry, one of the great enemies is pride, and the antidote is, of course, humility. The problem often arises when we add God or “God’s will,” or “serving God” into the mix. Surely it’s right to preach or teach or lead or . . . fill in the blank. Indeed, but what about this particular invitation? Given that we’re often filled with mixed motives, we can only make good choices by using the methods we normally use. Prayer (both speaking and listening) The Scriptures The wisdom of godly friends Spouse (if you have one) But there is something else to throw into the equation, and this relates not simply to preaching invitations but every decision to do with the use of our time. PRIORITIES Wise leaders have clear priorities. They understand their gifts, they know what their goals are, and they are not blown off course by their pride. That’s why they often turn down invitations that don’t fit within those priorities. I love the following quote from Nanny McPhee. She is a “fix-it” nanny, who visits a family with out-of-control children. Her wisdom, tough discipline and ultimately her love are focused exclusively on bringing order and reconciliation within the family. She is a salvation figure. Here’s her motto: There is something you should understand about the way I work. When you need me but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me but no longer need me, then I have to go. This is a person who is laser-focused on her priorities. She has not one ounce of pride. For Nanny McPhee, the good of the family is her singular priority. By the end of the movie, all the children adore her, but she understands that were she to stay, she would be superfluous. That’s not her calling. As you might imagine, the Lord Jesus was a role model when it came to priorities. That’s why he so often says “It’s not my time.” It’s why he gets up early to pray. It’s why he spends time with his twelve mates when he could be receiving the applause of thousands. It’s why he goes to his death. He knows precisely what the priorities are for the day ahead. So learn to prioritise. All leaders must prioritise, which is why all leaders must learn to say no. Because here is the wonderful irony, which I’m sure you can see. It’s by saying no that we are saying yes. To turn down an invitation is to say yes to the things that really matter. They may not be flashiest or garner you the most attention, but if you discipline yourself to walk the path that God has assigned you, you will find fulfilment. For that is your calling. EQUIPPING If you’re unable to say no, it’s quite likely that you’re not fulfilling one of the primary functions of good leadership. Equipping. (See Eph 4.12) This affects people-pleasers more than others. Every invitation is feeding a hidden need to be loved and appreciated. So the answer is always “yes.” Which leads to overwork. Instead, a good leader is always thinking about the whole body. When an invitation comes in, the response should be, “Who in our community could use their gifts to fulfil this request? Whom have I equipped to do this?” A great leader builds up and equips the community for service. How are you equipping your home group leaders? How much time do you devote to training others to teach or share their faith? When there is a task to be completed, do you seek to equip others, or mentor them? Even when leaders take centre stage, it’s an opportunity to train others. The youth leader, the associate minister, the curate*, they all need training. A church leader is a teacher-equipper by definition. Which is why saying no, and offering the opportunity to another is always, always an option. HOW TO SAY NO Most leaders are diligent, kind and thoughtful. One of the reasons they struggle to say no is because they don’t want to let someone down. Perhaps the request comes from someone who is in real need. Maybe it’s another minister with a sick relative. “Can you pop over and cover my evening service?” “Of course.” We don’t want to let people down. Here are some ways, then, to say no in positive ways. Say no to the request, not the person. Be clear that it’s the invitation you’re turning down, not the person. Do this by showing appreciation, and thanking them for the invitation. Turn a “no” into a “not right now.” If you want to help, but cannot do so on this occasion, be clear that you would like to help in the future. But ONLY if that’s true! As suggested above, offer an alternative. But ONLY if you have time to organise it. Don’t over-explain. It sounds like an excuse. Don’t lie. Honesty is always best. If necessary, ask for time. Pride instinctively says yes. Wisdom says “maybe, I’ll get back to you.” How will you know if you’re making progress in this area? By turning down every invitation? Actually, no. The most important sign that you’re making progress comes not by doing it a lot but by paying attention to how you feel moments after you’ve done it. You’re not worrying about missing out. You’re not feeling stressed. You’ve already moved on to focus on what’s important. You’re confident that God is with you, he loves you, he’s called you . . . whether you just said “yes” or “no.” So be encouraged. Saying no isn’t always easy. But it is necessary. Indeed, it’s only by saying no with wisdom that you’re able to say yes to the things that matter most. Amen to that. *Other leadership titles are available.

About three years ago . . . in a park near the south coast of England . . . Last K of Parkrun*, I’m fading a little. Not too much. Just a little. I’m nearing the end and I notice a lady nearby who’s also flagging a bit. My back is tightening and the pain is starting to kick in but I’m starting to ease past her. Then, for no particular reason, I decide to gee her up. “Come on, you can do it!” “You're doing great!” “Not far now, come on, keep up with me!” She smiles. I smile back. She speeds up a little. We run together. Doesn’t take much, does it? The power of words, the effect of encouragement is a powerful thing. But here's what I didn't expect. The moment I opened my mouth, something happened physically inside me. It was as though I had received an injection of adrenaline straight into my veins. The surge of energy inside my body was remarkable . . . and unexpected. I thought, “I gotta find someone to encourage every week. I could run a marathon like this, just telling other runners they’re doing great!” I'm not telling this story to claim some kind of moral virtue. Far from it. I have two points. Encouragement is easily done, but often neglected. The New Testament is full of encouragement, but how often do we do it? Not enough. Not nearly enough. I wonder why. For a start, it’s free. It doesn’t really cost us anything, yet for some reason we neglect it. Leaders, in particular, have a lot to gain from encouraging people. It is one of the most unused tools in the toolbox for fulfilling the calling set out in Ephesians 4.12—to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up. Built up. That’s a synonym for encouragement. Given that Ephesians 4.12 is essentially the job description for a leader in the church, it’s critical to know which tools we possess. So where does encouragement fit in? Well, it’s extremely difficult to equip people when they won’t step forward to be equipped. Certainly, the Sunday sermon is part of the package, but it’s not enough. Not nearly enough. The church is rammed full of people with marvellous gifts, and so often they just sit there, unused, their gifts lying dormant. Why? For want of encouragement. I have been in the church for many years, and I have to say I’m shocked by how reticent many are when it comes to stepping forward. Whether it’s false modesty, laziness, or lack of confidence, I do not know. What is clear is that many leaders struggle to nurture the gifts of their people. Step forward encouragement. To encourage is simply to feedback to a person the positive value they bring to a community. And not just their value but their potential value. Encouragement should be specific and sincere. Never flippant and offhand. “Joe, I was listening to you at the end of the prayer meeting, and really appreciated your wisdom as you talked to Bill. Have you thought about joining our pastoral care team?” “Fiona, you are fantastic at welcoming people. I saw you talking to those new refugees at the end of the service. I know the welcome team are seeking people. Have you considered doing that?” And yet it doesn’t have to be connected to specific roles in the church. It might just involve identifying the gifts they’re already using. Period. Simply appreciating Joe’s wisdom will certainly give him more confidence, and perhaps no one has encouraged Fiona for a long time. Your words may well carry her through the day. Your words have power. Back to a park in Southampton . . . That surge of energy inside my body on Parkrun? There was a message in that, I think. For me, certainly, and maybe for you. Encouraging others, doing good to others, nourishes the soul. It certainly nourished my body. The act of speaking to my fellow runner drove me on, it generated increased energy for my own race. It cost nothing, helped her, and made me feel like I could run the course again. So, here's a thought. Many leaders have preached on Jesus’ summary of the law—the greatest commandment(s). Many may have also linked the two. To love God, we must love our neighbours as ourselves. Very true. But what about the message inside the second of these two commandments? Love your neighbour as yourself. Perhaps this injunction contains an internal dynamic we might have missed. For surely the best way to love yourself is to love your neighbour. And the degree to which you care for others—on Parkrun, that meant encouragement—is the degree to which you truly love yourself. By encouraging my fellow runner, I generated a surge of energy that drove me up the hill. It did me good to do her good. We know this, and yet sometimes we forget. We allow people to walk away without giving them a word to lift them. Let’s commit to changing that. It’s free. It’s not hard. It just takes some thought. So, this next week, why don't you identify someone in your life who could do with some “geeing up?” Don't be glib; don't make it a joke. Mean it when you say you appreciate what they do. You may find your body surging with adrenaline. Or you may feel your soul start to fly. But one thing's for certain. Your “encouragee” will appreciate your words. And you might even make their day. *Parkrun is a worldwide movement. Using an army of volunteers, it organises 5K runs in parks for millions of people each Saturday morning.

I love my friends. I do. I love them, and I love being with them. We’re on our annual holiday right now and here I am with my wife, Pippa, and some of our dearest friends. I feel like I’m in heaven. There’s a lot of walking, talking, eating, and laughing—all in an atmosphere of mutual love and trust. What a gift friendship is. A true gift from God. The TV series, Friends, first aired in the UK in 1995. Almost instantly, it became cult viewing, among young people in particular. The six characters—Monica, Ross, Joey, Chandler, Rachel, and Phoebe—really were good friends. They hung out together . . . talked a lot . . . helped each other get jobs . . . listened to each other’s problems . . . and generally had a great time doing . . . not a lot. They were a bright, witty, attractive group of twenty-somethings who made it their goal to enjoy life. Teenagers loved Friends because they hoped their twenties would be something like that. It appealed to thirty-somethings because it reminded them of how things used to be during their student days. And, in spite of its loose morality, Friends was a hit because it portrayed life the way many of us would like it to be. It described a world in which we’re accepted and cared for; in which there’s give and take, the teasing is never threatening, and we can cope with each other’s quirky habits. It’s a world in which we can live life to the full with people we love. Just like Pippa and I are doing with our friends right now. What is friendship? Here’s a possible definition: A secure relationship in which people enjoy each other’s company, respect each other’s values and watch each other’s backs over the long haul. I’m sure you could come up with your own definition. So, what are the origins of friendship? From where does it derive its power? FRIENDSHIP STARTS WITH GOD The idea of friendship takes us right to the heart of God himself because he is profoundly relational. Throughout all eternity, he has existed in a relationship of loving friendship within the Trinity—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Furthermore, he has created us uniquely in his image to be relational beings. The paradise-setting of Genesis 2 provides us with a picture of life as God designed it to be—Adam and Eve enjoying perfect friendship with him, with one another, and with the world around them. And that’s why we currently experience what C. S. Lewis describes as an “inconsolable longing”—an aching nostalgia for what has been lost through our disobedience and fall. Yet in his amazing grace, God still seeks our friendship. Out of his deep love for us, he pursues us and promises us salvation—prefigured in the Old Testament and then fulfilled through the Lord Jesus. Throughout the Bible, God often calls those who belong to him his friends. He describes Abraham as “my friend”, and speaks to Moses “as a man speaks with his friend”. In the gospels, the disciples show themselves to be deeply flawed men and yet Jesus delights to call them “friends”. JESUS: OUR GREATEST FRIEND Today, Jesus stands at the door of our hearts and knocks; he wants us to enjoy the mutual blessing of his friendship. Ultimately, only he can satisfy the hunger of our hearts. It’s because of this that our friendships with others must be based on our friendship with him. Only when he is our greatest friend do we possess the secure foundation that gives life to our own capacity for friendship. It’s the security that comes from knowing him that enables us to reach out to others, not looking to take, but willing to give sacrificially as he has given to us. He is the perfect friend who enables us to be true friends ourselves. INVESTING IN FRIENDSHIP Times of trial and trouble often reveal who our true friends are. As the writer of Proverbs points out, superficial friends soon fade away. Real friends, by contrast, stick with us through thick and thin. As the Lord Jesus reminds us, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends”. We all recognise the priority of sustaining our spiritual life. Most of us also recognise the need to nourish our physical life. But how many of us give much attention to our emotional life? The plain fact is that God hasn’t created us for a life of rugged individualism. We need each other—by design. At times it’s hard to quantify what a walk or a coffee with a friend will deliver in terms of ministry output, but that is exactly the kind of investment we need to make. We need friendship. Yet it follows that if we need to receive it, we also need to learn how to extend it to others. What if a friend of yours were truly in need? Would you be there for them? Really? Have you kept your friendships fit and healthy in the good times, so that they’re robust enough for the moment when a crisis occurs? Many of the church leaders I know have a lot of “friends” but this is where two uncomfortable questions arise. Would your friends turn to you in times of trouble? To whom would you turn when faced with a crisis? In short, how solid are your friendships? Are they surface-deep or do they go further? What kind of friend are you really? BUILDING FRIENDSHIP So, what are the factors that promote friendship? Time—it’s a precious commodity, and sadly, we may not see each other as often as we would like. So, while good friends have a remarkable capacity for picking up where they left off, the fact remains, friendship requires the investment of quality time. And that means at times, sacrifices must be made to prioritise a good friendship. Reliability—though our time together is often limited by our busy schedules, good friends are always there for each other when the phone rings.* Unconditional Love—navigating some relationships feels as if we’re walking on eggshells. The love undergirding true friendship isn’t like that. It allows for honesty and transparency. Instead of avoiding tough subjects, we’re open to conversation that treads into painful areas, because we know that we’re accepted and loved. And we extend that same love and acceptance to our friends. Security—many of our relationships are transactional. They work as long as we continue to perform. In true friendship, we never have to deliver “value” to the other. We have nothing to prove and nothing to lose, because we know we’re loved. Truthfulness—we can’t always “say what needs to be said” to everyone we meet. Things may need to be said, but not necessarily by us. Not so with true friendships. Friends can speak the truth in love in the confidence that what they say will be received and understood. It is precisely because our friends love us that we can speak truthfully, even when it’s hard. As the writer of the proverbs reminds us, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend!” I wonder how you have reflected on your own friendships today as you’ve been reading. How has God been speaking to you? Are you encouraged or challenged (or both) as you’ve considered the friends that the Lord has brought into your life? Give thanks today for the Lord Jesus who is your very best friend. Thank him for the good friends he has placed in your life, and ask him to give you grace, strength and wisdom to extend friendship to those who need it right now. * Other communication devices are available!